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I'm always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
Sell me fries, sell me sweet little fries - me at the counter of the local Fleetwood MacDonalds
the woods are so metal
Mountain Dew or Mountain Dew Not there is no Mountain Try
Seals are dogs crossed with penguins. Or wet cat snakes. Whichever. The point is: sharp teeth on a fast body with no legs. Seals!
its a vulva. every time i hear/ read "vagina" used to refer to the outside bits i'm going to call yr penis a "urethra" b4 steppin on it
menstruate so hard strangers are surprised to find themselves involved
God, grant me the serenity to RT the things I cannot tweet,
The courage to fav the things I like, And wisdom to know when 2 log off
WArning: LIZARDS IS REAL. REAL ANMAIL.
guys i'm so excited i emailed firstname.lastname@example.org to ask them what its like to have the best email account in the world NO RESPONSE YET
Darn it we are going to have to fuck our way out of this horse costume AGAIN
What's the word for baby squirrels? Pups? Squirrelins? Squibbles. Skrillex?? Squizzlers?! Anyway my dick & balls are covered in them
that thing when you touch your teeth and they are dry and it occurs to you that inside your face is a real live skull made of bones
Biden I am going grip your mane so hard when I ride u back into Narnia
frogs googling "bugs how to find lots of bugs at night time delicious "
Dropped off my Jabbapplication at the Pizza Hutt
Here's my five-point plan for the economy *draws a pentagram in salt, sets dollar bill on fire*
What idiot named it twitter and not ok stupid
I'd get pregnant if it meant I could barge into restrooms yelling OUTTA MY WAY I'M POOPIN FOR TWO
Fun Lobster Fact: #1 David Lee Roth Fan http://www.lexiemountain.com. header @extranapkins