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If you see only one circle in the sand it means Belinda Carlisle is carrying you.
Sometimes I think I'd like to have kids but what if it turns out to have whatever Sloth on the Goonies had?
"She's a good girl, crazy about Alpo/ she's a good girl, she pee'd and she pooped." - me, to the tune of Free Falling sung at a dog I saw.
Today I saw a guy wearing a utilitykilt, a zelda t-shirt, a fedora, and a pony tail. It was so anti getting laid that it was punk as fuck.
Todd the Wet Sprocket would be a pretty good name for a Toad the Wet Sprocket cover band if your name was Todd.
Rick Steves keeps describing his new book "Europe Through the Back Door" as the karma sutra book of European travel.
Hey Burl Ives, why would I kiss her once for you? What's going on between you two, anyway?
Seriously pissed that "Life of Pi" isn't called "Tiger Boat."
"Hell, at this point I'd settle for dancing with somebody who KNOWS me." - Whitney Houston lowers her expectations.
Obama could run on "Mitt Romney has Creed frontman Scott Strap's endorsement" alone and I would vote for him.
Sorry ladies, but grapes are hilarious. Especially if you ferment them for a while and drink them later with your friends. #Tosh
How do you become one of those attractive people Kashi sends to the third world to pillage their lands in the name of their granola empire?