Do you really need somebody else to tell you you're good? Why?

People who are both good looking and smart tend to be assholes. Still plenty of dumb, ugly assholes though.

At some point in the near future I will rearrange the panoply of available words to make a sentence that is both funny and deeply offensive

sulky poison lullaby

If I were to tell some tweeps how much I love them, I could only expect some wildly hilarious mock in retribution. So I don't. But I do.

There is a wine in my fly.

I WANT A ToTD TOO

you fucking assholes..


nothing personal

you understand that..

right?

It's less depressing if you imagine a torrential downpour is dissipated vodka falling back to earth.

You can’t please everybody, but you can hate them back.

(in between was a riddle with 7 periwinkle clues or a clandestine joke breathed in a cloakroom wilderness) *pull the door closed*

If this isn't an electronic extension of grounded,
earthly, flesh life, something is wrong with said life.

Hate to make too much sense but if your primary reason for coming here is to complain about being here maybe you should go somewhere else.

I do love people.

If you're lucky enough to still have a dad the best Father's Day gift would be to call the guy and ask his advice about something. Anything.

" " I don't get to hear his voice anymore. Wishing I could hear more of what #Daddysaid

You are all Twitter Elite from where I'm sitting (toilet)

i left the house twice today, and also ate alphabet pretzels out of a martini glass. where is my award.

Blame mosquitoes.

She said, "Tweet this and say, 'I guess we got the wrong size jeans!'" http://twitpic.com/54cvgw

No family dinner is complete without a rigamarole.