• Howdy!

    Please Sign In

    Favstar gets even better if you sign in.

    Here's why signing in is good for you.

    • You get a personalized view of Favstar based on the people you follow.
    • Your likes and retweets are collected instantly, meaning your status and stats get updated at blazing speeds.
    • Use lists to manage your friends, and keep on top of where the fav-love is happening.

    Your account is safe, of course!

    • We never see your twitter password.
    • We won't tweet or follow anyone without your permission.
    • We only use your API calls when you like, retweet, or follow someone.
Okay, you have been unsubscribed.
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    Gift @MrFornicator Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 2,852
    • LIKES
    heyevergreenSpaced_Cowboy00sophienuuttallsophiacharpentijaxxygrantSevensPrincessxjoint_accountsbyeBigFraidyCat
    • 2,346
    • RETWEETS
    PepperRain1Spaced_Cowboy00Tony_MwangijaxxygrantmuseofhistoryTirant_tauruskasumuni_Jez1
    _troyjohnsonCulturedRuffiandariennelakecrston8DefrostDisneyllvvzzzurbanprojectzWriteWendyBuck4it__________designersays
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    We had social networking when we were kids too... I think it was called "outside" back then though.

    • 1,573
    • LIKES
    TaibkhokharMolotovJohnnyfunnybeachgirlCage_unlockedlexjmaddenPiperHarrisChefSDatLargekaito_sushi
    • 1,680
    • RETWEETS
    lexjmaddenalpena17_troyjohnsonbeefman138JRosenwinkle__zqegatefulpoulsenp136carpioritter1
    CulturedRuffianBillMc7llvvzztrialfemmetnylgn__
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    When people ask me if I'm working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they're hurting hard or hardly hurting.

    • 879
    • LIKES
    itsmedonFameemi5150RayRandomBestkittycatlaneBossyBritches72Mechelle0926timdonakowski
    • 223
    • RETWEETS
    itsmedonRandomBestLorieGZOmayayoyordansictimdonakowskibradmorcombeShriftNick
    timdonakowskiConcernedSirGuyKim_pulsiveComedianKristi
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    I changed my name on Facebook to No One and spent all morning liking statuses so that it'll say No One Likes This.

    • 690
    • LIKES
    timdonakowskiMolotovJohnnyBounse44GiftedNapperGodsFireWaterCheeseboy22KenknudsonKenmmalcangio
    • 313
    • RETWEETS
    timdonakowski_troyjohnsonhipnhopeJustFollownRTbeefman138LorieGZJimStacey13kvelasco13
    bigmachermartianhaiku______cerebralbalsy____dariennelake5hael
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help... so I hired a hitman.

    • 830
    • LIKES
    kittycatlaneMolotovJohnny_troyjohnsonJustFollownRTbeefman138LorieGZGoodMistakes56carlosmolotov
    • 158
    • RETWEETS
    PerezCadenaJustFollownRTbeefman138lsweetpixeylvihutchrefSaraESpiveyEgyptOriental2Chris_Black3__
    martianhaiku______YearOfRatbreeenin__________
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    I’ve got 99 chores but I ain't done one. ~Lay-Z

    • 556
    • LIKES
    kwkorpiMolotovJohnnyJustFollownRTbeefman138janu_nursharmianrubianoHousewifeADEgyptOriental
    • 387
    • RETWEETS
    kwkorpibeefman138kpathxblissfullyyysharmianrubianoHousewifeADEgyptOrientalGoodMistakes56
    cityrider49
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    I just read a Facebook status that was so good I had to Google to see which tweeter it was stolen from.

    • 670
    • LIKES
    kwkorpiRealPrincessKimgufawwCaptnCrashbooyahchadlyMolotovJohnnyJohnDuffy21__Inkdhawaiian
    • 230
    • RETWEETS
    MolotovJohnnyhipnhopeellyelliana97JustFollownRTbeefman138EgyptOrientalGoodMistakes56UrbanDesiGirl
    erased_250968215Coastiefish
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    Sarcasm is my 2nd favorite kind of asm.

    • 623
    • LIKES
    timdonakowskiMolotovJohnny_troyjohnsonJohnDuffy21__Cadence_Love_JustFollownRTbeefman138ginger67
    • 238
    • RETWEETS
    timdonakowskiCadence_Love_JustFollownRTbeefman138darrrkstarrrGinGincessa__JohnBechardEgyptOriental
    jackmackenrothLABeachmomHoodieVixen
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    Karma Sutra: When fate fucks you in all sorts of creative ways.

    • 638
    • LIKES
    kittycatlane_troyjohnsonJohnDuffy21__shhhaiiJustFollownRTGoodMistakes56LilbyrdyMsLighthouseCat
    • 174
    • RETWEETS
    JustFollownRTUpDocIncrbs44monicasjungleSaraESpiveythe_couch_guy____likemicoENarineArmeni__
    ItsNotDavey______
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    You ladies realize we can see tits all over the internet, uncovered, without even having to ask… right? This is Twitter… show us your wits.

    • 553
    • LIKES
    kwkorpikittycatlaneJohnDuffy21__JustFollownRTGoodMistakes56SteveDutzyTheOnlyOneNish_The_Medusa_
    • 245
    • RETWEETS
    zombieekupkakesJustFollownRTMrSkinnyGenesTheOnlyOneNishdidderbugg_The_Medusa_lexjmaddenSaraESpivey
    _AliveandKickin__portajon__________meaculpau27trialfemmeDallyDollbellicosejasondomesticHOneFunnyBastardFallun_Angel__NajmaSky25
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    People who say gays are destroying the fabric of society have obviously never seen what a gay man can do with fabric.

    • 387
    • LIKES
    _troyjohnsonfieryred79ukJustFollownRTLorieGZwhatitis112GoodMistakes56SaraESpiveyCVTBaby
    • 402
    • RETWEETS
    fieryred79ukAuxi_RocksJustFollownRTfavstar_historyderp_o_OVassilisSimaddictedtochaosFaithThoms2
    ArroiaflukynessAndrea__B__
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    Insomnia sharpens your math skills b/c you spend all night calculating how much sleep you'll get if you're able to "fall asleep right now."

    • 566
    • LIKES
    kwkorpi_troyjohnsonJustFollownRTwhatitis112brewcitytatgirlGoodMistakes56LorieGZLilbyrdy
    • 193
    • RETWEETS
    kwkorpiJustFollownRTbrewcitytatgirlajayisraniGoodMistakes56lsweetpixeylSaraESpiveytrolllyn__
    1800Randy
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.

    • 393
    • LIKES
    MadHouse1010KenknudsonKen_troyjohnsonMadAxesJohnDuffy21__wcstryfeKateRuddock_barbwireboxers
    • 350
    • RETWEETS
    _troyjohnsonflwrblsmMmeLaCroozlexjmaddenJustFollownRTbeefman138mysweetcunnyGoodMistakes56
    MarcusOreally___theigirlcravenheart______
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    I wonder if ladies who trim their bush down but leave their asshole hairy realize that all they've done is create a fuck mullet.

    • 523
    • LIKES
    JustFollownRTGoodMistakes56HrBrytrolllyn__Comedians4CThisFreshMexAmiigatAverageClo________
    • 120
    • RETWEETS
    Comedians4CAmiigatSwamp_DaddyB1gLou98AverageClo________DrunkenMosesrichardhandler_Clarketacular
    jackmackenrothHairyJew4Lifeziploccondom______JordyHamrick______
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    Police in England are looking for a teenager who was caught having sex with cows. Apparently in England, love is a cattle field.

    • 500
    • LIKES
    beefman138whatitis112GoodMistakes56LorieGZComedians4CDanKCharnleytrolllyn__Amiigat
    • 104
    • RETWEETS
    beefman138Comedians4CAmiigatjr173469__RickAaronarmyantstudiosChristal_Ljeffswarens
    FastGurlImVodkaSoaked____Maui_Speakswhatabouterin____
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    The hot lady across the street had a seizure on her front lawn today. Her MILF shakes brought the paramedics to the yard.

    • 514
    • LIKES
    JustFollownRTGoodMistakes56LorieGZalibellleDanKCharnleyemsykayAndyKirchnerArtlu_Gamer
    • 67
    • RETWEETS
    KelliFrazierthe_couch_guy____Hayate05WarriorFreckledAmiigatMunyuPeterComedians4CSasaPopos
    mortbarryshanethevein
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    When men brag about sleeping with sluts I picture a pile of shit bragging about attracting flies.

    • 467
    • LIKES
    JustFollownRTSkinnyandsingleGoodMistakes56LorieGZCVTBabyslooberbiejomartin26ettenany
    • 106
    • RETWEETS
    GoodMistakes56jomartin26ettenanyzacksfeveremsykaytrolllyn__MCydney17Comedians4C
    ManGotWings______
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    My next door neighbor is a bitch... so I just snuck into her house and taught her parrot to say "my husband can never find out about us."

    • 460
    • LIKES
    funnybeachgirlopenchakraJustFollownRTwhatitis112GoodMistakes56EllusiveR__lexjmaddenLorieGZ
    • 102
    • RETWEETS
    PerezCadenalexjmaddenDawnOfTheCynicAmiigatladydior1Comedians4Cndvbbslifecoachfit______
    GroperClevelandfacingafricaFingDuck
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    I just tried to make a donation to the Tourette Syndrome Foundation and they told me to fuck off.

    • 465
    • LIKES
    kwkorpiJustFollownRTbeefman138GoodMistakes56LorieGZalibellleDanKCharnleyNyLow9
    • 81
    • RETWEETS
    the_couch_guy____3nio78ManateeJacksuperb_teeHotlinkStrahota_cmaoparnell44eliserose5__
    GroperClevelanddesignersaysRossRants
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    There would be a lot less litter in the world if we just sharpened the walking sticks for the blind.

    • 423
    • LIKES
    kwkorpiJustFollownRTLorieGZwhatitis112GoodMistakes56cC0RTEZzComedians4CDanKCharnley
    • 122
    • RETWEETS
    WaiterNumber3Comedians4CPeterClayton6CarterMicluvinnachocoalminespazrunsnyPolllyWantsa__WestOfSpace
    AlanFelyk
@MrFornicator

@MrFornicator

Comedian, writer, and founder of Comedians For Cancer. The average person laughs 15 times a day… that's not nearly enough. http://favstar.fm/users/MrFornicator

Gift 128x128

Like @MrFornicator’s tweets? Send them a Favstar Pro Membership to show you care.

Gift them Pro!