• Hello!

    Please Sign In

    Favstar gets even better if you sign in.

    Here's why signing in is good for you.

    • You get a personalized view of Favstar based on the people you follow.
    • Your favs and retweets are collected instantly, meaning your status and stats get updated at blazing speeds.
    • Use lists to manage your friends, and keep on top of where the fav-love is happening.

    Your account is safe, of course!

    • We never see your twitter password.
    • We won't tweet or follow anyone without your permission.
    • We only use your API calls when you fav, retweet, or follow someone.
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    I've opened a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.

    • 1,710
    • FAVS
    AlexNouryjennalynn518Gofilllulutrixibellejcasseyjadeninjamoose101martyntantonJoni58975950
    • 1,302
    • RETWEETS
    Old_CrustyWilberDaForcejennalynn518GofillDeterminedInesParkhillWilliamracben18Raywoolford
    dariennelakecrston7DefrostDisneyllvvzzzurbanprojectzWriteWendyBuck4it__________designersays
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    We had social networking when we were kids too... I think it was called "outside" back then though.

    • 1,110
    • FAVS
    SaraESpiveyCVTBaby4bodingperpetualnoiseEgyptOrientaladdmoreninjasMellicubedkamiekaymee
    • 395
    • RETWEETS
    EgyptOrientalMellicubedthe_couch_guy____SMbalilwamazengawishsandymarie66TaraaKhurana______crazybluefairy7
    BillMc7llvvzztrialfemmetnylgn
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    When people ask me if I'm working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they're hurting hard or hardly hurting.

    • 863
    • FAVS
    MsLighthouseCatSaraESpivey4bodingEgyptOrientalcorinnemlwswTweetTheDudetrolllynilove_thesun
    • 213
    • RETWEETS
    SaraESpiveyEgyptOrientalTweetTheDudeGuyRWSmithtrolllynilove_thesunJVivoneDuffyDoesDallas
    ConcernedSirGuyKim_pulsiveComedianKristi
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    I changed my name on Facebook to No One and spent all morning liking statuses so that it'll say No One Likes This.

    • 673
    • FAVS
    carlosmolotovMsLighthouseCatJimStacey13monicasjunglekthnxbithewayRiotGRRLBarbieSaraESpiveyJohnnykool1
    • 307
    • RETWEETS
    JimStacey13kvelasco13VikiMichaeliskthnxbithewayRiotGRRLBarbieSaraESpiveyR15S5EgyptOriental
    bigmachermartianhaiku______cerebralbalsy____dariennelake5hael
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help... so I hired a hitman.

    • 823
    • FAVS
    carlosmolotovlulutrixibellejSaraESpiveyslooberbie4eva_quoteEgyptOrientalbigmacherTheArtOfNeeti
    • 155
    • RETWEETS
    lsweetpixeylvihutchrefSaraESpiveyEgyptOriental2Chris_Black3abrasivGangl_GangxGingerAvenger
    martianhaiku______YearOfRatbreeenin__________
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    I’ve got 99 chores but I ain't done one. ~Lay-Z

    • 545
    • FAVS
    ReginaldDennysashgrashLilbyrdyjessicamullenatcreeStarry_Knight_iheartbeansNeuroticMess
    • 378
    • RETWEETS
    atcreeiheartbeanslulutrixibellejlittledandeli0nzero3_benzrbs44kthnxbithewayRiotGRRLBarbie
    cityrider49
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    I just read a Facebook status that was so good I had to Google to see which tweeter it was stolen from.

    • 650
    • FAVS
    ashgrashLilbyrdyMsLighthouseCatJulieSnarkSaraESpiveyCVTBabyHannahPaul_O______Mellicubed
    • 220
    • RETWEETS
    SaraESpiveyR15S5the_couch_guy____HFromTheNamWhat_Fuckin_EvaWaterLilyDreamspaintmytoesplz____MsLadyLuvBug
    AristotlesNZ______Coastiefish
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    Sarcasm is my 2nd favorite kind of asm.

    • 608
    • FAVS
    cjfred01Motownlvrdmc1138hezsterLilbyrdyrbs44chrismerrillmonicasjungle
    • 227
    • RETWEETS
    MotownlvrLilbyrdyStarry_Knight_lulutrixibellejmonicasjunglekthnxbithewayRahmanNoodle66SaraESpivey
    jackmackenrothLABeachmomHoodieVixen
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    Karma Sutra: When fate fucks you in all sorts of creative ways.

    • 632
    • FAVS
    LilbyrdyMsLighthouseCatUpDocIncrbs44monicasjunglekthnxbithewayJoni58975950SaraESpivey
    • 173
    • RETWEETS
    UpDocIncrbs44monicasjungleSaraESpiveythe_couch_guy____likemicoENarineArmeniducksandchucks
    ItsNotDavey______
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    You ladies realize we can see tits all over the internet, uncovered, without even having to ask… right? This is Twitter… show us your wits.

    • 543
    • FAVS
    LilbyrdyAWhiskyPrincessmonicasjungleSaraESpiveyCVTBabyBelleFieldershaggyxangelniecystrips
    • 238
    • RETWEETS
    SaraESpiveyMidniteMassageshaggyxangelshinyhealthyGraceBellavueRandomMAORI_BOIMellicubedhaggis_lover
    _AliveandKickinportajon__________meaculpau27trialfemmeDallyDollbellicosejasondomesticHOneFunnyBastardFallun_AngelNajmaSky25
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    People who say gays are destroying the fabric of society have obviously never seen what a gay man can do with fabric.

    • 381
    • FAVS
    SaraESpiveyCVTBabyWotDLuckcharlzeroiNyagah_trolllynleela_o_Ofreebrdstairway
    • 399
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyleela_o_OVassilisSimaddictedtochaosFaithThoms2TheDeadfishSaysItchy_TastyArroia
    ArroiaflukynessAndrea__B__
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    Insomnia sharpens your math skills b/c you spend all night calculating how much sleep you'll get if you're able to "fall asleep right now."

    • 559
    • FAVS
    LilbyrdyMsLighthouseCatAWhiskyPrincesslsweetpixeylSaraESpiveyCVTBabyHrBryalissaisok
    • 188
    • RETWEETS
    lsweetpixeylSaraESpiveytrolllynolievlspode411haf__elisa212007Comedians4C
    1800Randy
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.

    • 373
    • FAVS
    MsLighthouseCatSaraESpiveyRandomMAORI_BOIalibellletrolllynniks27_shahCarterMicluvinJBlaq40
    • 345
    • RETWEETS
    MsLighthouseCatmarleyana7SnowdazedlsweetpixeylmcnetsSaraESpiveyRandomMAORI_BOIthe_couch_guy____
    MarcusOreally_theigirlcravenheart______
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    I wonder if ladies who trim their bush down but leave their asshole hairy realize that all they've done is create a fuck mullet.

    • 521
    • FAVS
    HrBrytrolllynComedians4CThisFreshMexAmiigatAverageClo________spazrunsnyJosesLovesYou
    • 120
    • RETWEETS
    Comedians4CAmiigatSwamp_DaddyB1gLou98AverageClo________DrunkenMosesrichardhandler_Clarketacular
    jackmackenrothHairyJew4Lifeziploccondom______JordyHamrick
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    Police in England are looking for a teenager who was caught having sex with cows. Apparently in England, love is a cattle field.

    • 495
    • FAVS
    DanKCharnleytrolllynAmiigatVLaMondaRickAaronschumyxxxdombrad6armyantstudios
    • 102
    • RETWEETS
    Amiigatjr173469RickAaronarmyantstudiosChristal_LjeffswarensCarterMicluvinEdmndo
    FastGurlImVodkaSoaked____Maui_Speaks______whatabouterin____
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    The hot lady across the street had a seizure on her front lawn today. Her MILF shakes brought the paramedics to the yard.

    • 511
    • FAVS
    alibellleDanKCharnleyemsykayAndyKirchnerArtlu_GamerHysteriaBarbieWarriorFreckledAmiigat
    • 67
    • RETWEETS
    KelliFrazierthe_couch_guy____Hayate05WarriorFreckledAmiigatMunyuPeterComedians4CSasaPopos
    mortbarrycomedyshanethevein
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    When men brag about sleeping with sluts I picture a pile of shit bragging about attracting flies.

    • 463
    • FAVS
    CVTBabyslooberbiejomartin26ettenanyemsykayDanKCharnleyJeff__Kendall____trolllyn
    • 105
    • RETWEETS
    jomartin26ettenanyzacksfeveremsykaytrolllynMegsss_16Comedians4Cthisoneaccount
    ManGotWings______
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    My next door neighbor is a bitch... so I just snuck into her house and taught her parrot to say "my husband can never find out about us."

    • 452
    • FAVS
    DanKCharnleyRedickjulusAmiigatCarterMicluvinComedians4CNyLow9angela_d17____AverageClo________
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    DawnOfTheCynicAmiigatladydior1Comedians4Cndvbbslifecoachfit______0nyand0JOHNtexx
    GroperClevelandfacingafricaFingDuck
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    I just tried to make a donation to the Tourette Syndrome Foundation and they told me to fuck off.

    • 460
    • FAVS
    alibellleDanKCharnleyNyLow9AverageClo________spazrunsnystorming01JosesLovesYouprontopup
    • 81
    • RETWEETS
    the_couch_guy____3nio78ManateeJacksuperb_teeHotlinkStrahotaolvera_mparnell44eliserose5
    GroperClevelanddesignersaysRossRants
  • MrFornicator
      Jamie Capria @MrFornicator

    There would be a lot less litter in the world if we just sharpened the walking sticks for the blind.

    • 416
    • FAVS
    DanKCharnleyMunyuPeterCarterMicluvinNyLow9spazrunsnystorming01prontopuplifecoachfit______
    • 120
    • RETWEETS
    PeterClayton6CarterMicluvinnachocoalminespazrunsnyBerrryDLiteHizzy_manRFerucci_chalo_98
    AlanFelyk
@MrFornicator

@MrFornicator

Comedian, writer, and founder of Comedians For Cancer. The average person laughs 15 times a day… that's not nearly enough.