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Why does McDonald's only have Happy Meals? They need meals for all the emotions. Grab a Nervous as Hell Meal. Angry as Shit Meal & whatnot.
I don't play the Whack-a-Mole game at carnivals 'cause it reminds me of when my family was attacked by moles & I was unable to defend them
Donald, bring that next rally to Detroit. Then swing by Compton after that.
Ted Nugent is like Yosemite Sam and a truck stop urinal had a baby. https://twitter.com/TedNugent/status/684499656454225920 …
This country went to hell when kids stopped wearin' those propeller hats. Let's put some damn propeller hats on these nasty ass kids.
If everyone under 25 becomes a DJ who's gonna dance? WHO THE HELL'S GONNA DANCE????!?!?!?!?!??!
Wanna get folks outta that building in Oregon real fast? Have a black family move in next door.
Don't call 'em soft pretzels you don't know what they've been through.
A good prank would be putting a fake spider in your friend's shower then right before he sees it you just punch him in the face
Shout out to political bumper stickers, changing nobody's mind and lowering the value of your car and whatnot.
Trump's dad was KKK but left $200m. Shit MY dad can be KKK if he leaves me $200m. March all U want pa. Burn a cross on my damn birthday cake
Whoever Granny Smith was she was good as shit at apples. They don't name apples after people unless they were good as shit at apples.
I can't decide whether to boycott North Carolina or go there and put on the gayest comedy show they've ever seen.
Shout out to all those "special episodes" of comedies where all of a sudden serious shit happens.
Why do football players only dance when good shit happens? Just once I wanna see a QB throw an interception & do a sad, interpretive dance.
Shout out to all the kettle-cooked shit. Try to feed me something that ain't from a kettle I will straight up fold your legs the wrong way.
The Official George Wallace Twitter. Trying to serve it up with hot sauce for you. God bless.
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