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Y'all are gonna be sorry when I figure out how to breed spiders and bees and my army of "spees" is stingin' and bitin' you and shit
"It's sad, 'cause Stevie Wonder really is asking if she's lovely"
If killer bees attack you make buzzin' sounds & flap your arms & point to someone else & yell "let's get him!" then attack him like a bee.
If a guy's gonna shoot you say "Look at that crazy bird". When they look for the bird you hit em with a hatchet. Make sure you got a hatchet
Why is the Scooby Doo gang still afraid of monsters when every damn time it's just some asshole in a costume?
Real talk George Michael needs to be more careful with his whispers you can't just go around whisperin' any old shit
If a crocodile tried to eat me I'd be like "Are you for real?" & he'd leave 'cause no one likes it when you say "Are you for real?" to them.
Hate it when a banana has bruises on it but the banana says it fell down the stairs & you just know it's lyin' to protect an asshole banana
It's sad as hell that Milli Vanilli, Nelly and Liza Minnelli never made a group called Milli Minnelli Vanelly
A funny thing would be a lady with a dog in her purse & the dog has a purse too with a smaller dog in it. I'd laugh at that shit.
Can't wait to see 'Madea vs. Predator'.
Shout out to saliva, breaking down food and preparin' it for digestion and such.
If you have an elevator in your house you can go ahead and stop rappin' about stabbing folks in the eyeball.
Shout out to hallways, helpin' us get from one room to that other room over there.
Shout out to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to.
Just once I wanna see a kid in a commercial eat cereal and spit it out like "What the hell is this shit?!"
Shout out to that bird from The Flintstones that could play records.
Shout out to folks wearin' shells. Shell necklaces. Shell bracelets. Lovin' some damned shells. "Look at my shells." "Yeah I see em."
When I pay for somethin' at IKEA I write a check, tear it into 50 pieces and hand it to the cashier. "Gotta put that shit together yourself"
Shout out to all hoarders, sleeping on piles of cats and whatnot.
The Official George Wallace Twitter. Trying to serve it up with hot sauce for you. God bless.