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"It's sad, 'cause Stevie Wonder really is asking if she's lovely"
Why is the Scooby Doo gang still afraid of monsters when every damn time it's just some asshole in a costume?
If a crocodile tried to eat me I'd be like "Are you for real?" & he'd leave 'cause no one likes it when you say "Are you for real?" to them.
It's sad as hell that Milli Vanilli, Nelly and Liza Minnelli never made a group called Milli Minnelli Vanelly
Can't wait to see 'Madea vs. Predator'.
Shout out to saliva, breaking down food and preparin' it for digestion and such.
If you have an elevator in your house you can go ahead and stop rappin' about stabbing folks in the eyeball.
Shout out to hallways, helpin' us get from one room to that other room over there.
Just once I wanna see a kid in a commercial eat cereal and spit it out like "What the hell is this shit?!"
Shout out to that bird from The Flintstones that could play records.
Shout out to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to.
Shout out to folks wearin' shells. Shell necklaces. Shell bracelets. Lovin' some damned shells. "Look at my shells." "Yeah I see em."
When I pay for somethin' at IKEA I write a check, tear it into 50 pieces and hand it to the cashier. "Gotta put that shit together yourself"
Shout out to all hoarders, sleeping on piles of cats and whatnot.
Whatever my spirit animal is, that shit is fried.
Where in the hell are Dora the Explorer's parents? Do they know she's riding a damn crocodile into a volcano?
Are we all just gonna sit around and let them keep makin' shows about pawn shops?
It's not butter, y'all. Move on with your lives.
Shout out to amphibians. Swimmin' swimmin' swimmin' then BAM! walkin' walkin' walkin'
My Uncle Bo starved to death tryin' to unwrap a CD.
The Official George Wallace Twitter. Trying to serve it up with hot sauce for you. God bless.