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Your real friends are the ones who notice when you go silent
I just think if you’re gonna put any kind of tracking tag on a penguin in the wild, it should look like a bow-tie
I liked parkour better when it was just called ADHD
Twitter is like preschool
You make friends by sharing pictures of animals
Nap all the time
And you get little yellow stars for being good
You made me so happy, right up to the point I realized they were all just words and no actions
Hope is torturing me
There are very few problems that can’t be solved by making a pillow fort
“Fuck” is the swiss army knife of words, it makes your stubbed toe feel better, repels idiots, helps open jars…
“Failure is not an option”
Correct, failure is a result, giving up is an option.
In a sense, love and trust are both measures of how much someone can hurt you
Sometimes when a daddy grahamcracker and a mommy peanut butter jar love each other very much…
Why did the duck get sent to rehab?
He had a terrible quack habit.
I think on days when I don’t feel like hiking or exercising, I’m just going to let one of my kittens wear my FitBit as a collar :D
John Boehner should never get what he wants.
Even if you’re a waiter at IHOP and he orders pancakes, say no and bring him a cardboard box.
I think we should start putting people on the Moon again.
Specific people. And not to explore, just to get them away from the rest of us.
When I ask people if they’re OK I’m not demanding to know what’s wrong, or even a yes/no response, sometimes people just want someone to ask
Software engineer :) Kittens: http://elpandobearrito.tumblr.com/ Identity: https://keybase.io/mrsteveman1
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