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What's the name of the taste bud that makes pussy taste so good :P ?
Ménage à trois?
I can't even THIS IS REMIX
split a Kit-Kat PUT YOUR HANDS UP
three ways OO NAH-NAH
THESE SQUIRRELS AIN'T LOYAL
I don't (boner) always think (pussy cunt) about sex (fucking blowjob) but when I (tits tits) do its about (cheese skittles) snacks (chips).
It's like my grandpa used to say "girls with daddy issues all look the same when you bend them over your knee and spank 'em"
"Hi, this is Dr. Bratt. There's good news and bad news. The good news is your son's not autistic. The bad news is he's just an asshole."
Me: Is it in yet?
Pizza Hut: *click*
You're a manwhore, Charlie Brown
Because I'm fappy
Fap along if you like to fap without lube
Because I'm fappy
Fap along if you've fapped since your youth
IT: This is Rama in Mumbai
Me: Knock! Knock!
IT: Who's there?
IT: Rama who?
Me: Rama Lama Ding Dong, I should've used the doorbell!
Which one of these filters will make me look like Tom Selleck?
No, you're tweet has a typo in it!
"I'll take oral sex from a stranger for $20, Alex."
-if Alex Trebek was a pimp
Women, you know you don't have to wear a ton of perfume; you can just douche
Arguably, the second best thing about being homeless is getting to brush your teeth with whiskey.
Either that, or the gay hobo sex.
I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
A breakfast burrito is the closest I've gotten to morning sex since I've been married
I'm the Dr. Ruth Westheimer of old, creepy dudes that you shouldn't get relationship advice from.
bro, do you even wipe twice before you flush?
Fun Fact: Mexican Vampires dip used tampons in guacamole and eat them like taquitos.