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I'm the Oprah of wearing pants with an elastic waistband to a buffet
Darth Vader: Join me on the Dark Side, Luke!
Luke: I'll never join you!
Vader: We have flex hours and Pizza Fridays!
Behind every successful woman is a man
holding her purse
I'm the Tom Selleck of milk mustaches
Thanks a lot, Taco Bell!
Another shit like that and the warrantee on my anal bleaching is voided.
If my balls smelled any worse today, they'd be a vaginas
I thought the "blood moon" was when you wipe your bloody dick on her ass after period sex
"Heads up!" -erect peniseses
Fun fact: if you staple your scrotum to your arm pits, you can glide like a flying squirrel. Try it!
On a scale of 1 to platypus how confused are you about your identity?
Why did the idiot throw the stick of margarine out the window?
Because he wanted to see butterfly!
You're the Star Wars Episode I: the Phantom Menace of people
I bring my daughter into public Men's restrooms in hopes that she'll see an uncircumsized penis and be scared into Lesbianism.
Ma'am, I'm no Mexican, but that bush needs a trimmin'
If I was Jesus, I'd be cumming, too
Birds do it
Bees do it
Even educated fleas do it
Let's do it
Let's build an electrified fence around our land to keep all the Mexicans out
I believe a woman's place is in the kitchen
On her knees
Sucking my dick
While I do the dishes
Relationship status: jacking off to an Animal Planet show about beavers