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-Me, at an Eastern European whorehouse
if you go to the ER, for an erection lasting more than 4 hours, they make you watch "Slamming Granny in the Fanny volume 9" on repeat.
I need some suction on my diction
I started at the bottom, now I'm here*
I'm perplexed there's not more "I put the pun in Punxsutawney tweets today" tweets today
I just fucked up again. Not "again", as in a second time but "again", as in like the infiniteth time and I'm not even counting that one time
"Stop it! You're embarrassing yourself!"
-my inner voice when I'm tweeting
Calm the fuck down, people that go to mexico for vacation. We all know it's because you're cheap. Calm. The Fuck. Down, amigo.
White man problem: there's only soy milk to make scrambled eggs with
I got an idea and it involves fuck and you
Side effects may include nausea, vomitting, diarrhea, suicidal tendencies, gang green, bad brains,verbal abuse, nuclear assault and megadeth
She said to go deeper, so I pulled out a shovel and buried her next to comrade Nietsche.
I state my pessimism optimistically so people will think I'm deep, yet happy.
The key to drinking whiskey is to stay one step behind if she's hot, and two steps ahead if she's ugly.
time heals all wounds, except for fatal ones, cuz I won't heal after I die and that's the kind I'm worried about, idiot that wrote the idiom
Fuck it. Offend.
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