Ok.. Im only going to say this once..

Sometimes men are right.

My mum always says a lot of sex keeps your skin clear..

On a related note, my skin looks like crap.

Sometimes the world is fucked..
No explanations can make sense...


It's just how you deal with fucked up shit that matters..

You know what's nice?

When someone blows you a kiss.. You can make it land wherever you choose.
:)

My daughter is asking me for boy advice..

She obviously doesn't realize I have been single for 5 years..

Sometimes I wish masterbation had a side effect of cleaning the house magically..

Mum: "just bought a new cd.. The best of Bette Midler"

Me: "was it blank?"

Mum not impressed

Its amazing how quickly the people you thought you cared about can disappoint you.

If your goal in life is to judge, hurt, bully or push your views on others..

Please unfollow. I'm here for all the great people.

I have solved the weekend puzzle!

Sleep til 3 or 4 pm and then it's late enough to pop the wine.

You're welcome. :)

Mmmmm commando..

My daughter just accused me of sexting..

Awkward!!

(I was only contemplating it!)

The only thing that suck as much as twitter crushes are real life ones..

*looks up cat rescue website*

Just got my first sub tweet!

I feel a little important right now

Ok.. There's a fence.. I'm jumping it..

You have been warned. Life is about to get a lot more fun!

Only since I joined twitter would I look twice at this... http://t.co/OimAOWc9

A mans chest.. A nice chest.. :)

The perfect pillow while listening to a heart beat.

I miss that.

My cleavage in full of cheese and crackers..

Moments like these it sucks to be single.

Creepy noises outside..
My daughter and I have decided on the safe option and snuggling together..

Hope I can sleep as beiber stares at me

Daughters request "and can you drop me to school..
And not look like a hobo this time.
Do you know how embarrassing that is? Do your hair"