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For those not watching the debate, I will summarize. Gays bad, God good, Muslims bad, guns good, abortion bad, war good. #tweetthepress
I just visited the favstar leaderboard. It reminded me of the time I found a spoon on the street because that was really boring too.
The wife and I watched some of our old sex tapes last night. It was good to see Grammy again. She was a pisser.
If you remove Lady Gaga's head and replace it with Madonna's you'd be the first person to figure out how to replace a head. Big bucks there.
My pal Dave has a HUGE penis. Ladies, if you get the chance to sleep with him, do it. Just make sure it's the right Dave. You slut.
I'm beginning to think that some of you are just making this shit up.
Sarah Palin is like an onion, except as you peel away the layers you realize she's a really stupid onion.
Don't know where I am, but I just found all 137 Bic lighters I've lost.
Recent discovery. Fire is the perfect low-cost solution for those tough to remove blood stains. Thought you should know. Carry on.
On this day in 1997 I fixed my own snowblower and i've been riding that macho wave ever since.
I haven't been paying attention. Has Mubarak gotten out of Wisconsin yet?
It was my day to drive the car pool. Apparently everyone else in the car has a lot to live for. Crybabies.
The cicadas are gonna be pretty bummed to see I still have the same car.
If there is any reference in the Wikileaks papers to the "playful Iguana" I'd just like to say that I was young and needed the money.
Thinking back to my prime. I could program any VCR in the world. I was the best. An ace! Now life has no meaning. I wander.
Ladies tomorrow is the autumnal equinox. One of only two days per year when the male genitalia taste like creme brulee. YUM! Don't miss out!
Brad Pitt should have married a woman named Olive. He missed the boat on that one.
If a bee lands on me my reaction can best be described as Porky Pig bursting into flames.
Pretty sure I could beat up most of the people in this Yankee Candle Shop. You know, if it went down.
I am eating a brownie. It is an amazing brownie. The Mozart sonata of all brownies! I wish YOU could have such a brownie. It is my brownie.