@muttinmall's (Matt Mullin) most faved Tweets...
I always thought "He did it for the Lolz" would make a great epitaph, but now that I see it in person, it's kind of tacky. Sorry grandpa.
Life should function more like soccer. That way I could have all the time I've spent looking at excel docs added on to the end.
My coworker, on Parenting: "As long as your son isn't the smelly one and you keep your daughter off the pole, you've won."
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On a bus. The guy busting rhymes in a whisper didn't bother me until I started feeling his breath on the nape of my neck. No joke, just fear
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Of COURSE I wasn't watching Sense & Sensibility. I was just trying to find that channel with the sports and cars and the who am I kidding.
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Fun supermarket game: Run up and down the aisles screaming "WHERE ARE ALL THE EXTRA SMALL CONDOMS?" Trust me, good times.
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If the mouth is a Freudian metaphor for the vagina, this lady's excellently groomed mustache must get all the boys
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Could someone write a short story/poem/indie rock song about what to do with your lower arm when spooning? I'll wait.
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Me "One of my favorites is following me on Twitter!" Gay roommate "Twitter is for bottoms." We're the odd couple, but I'm the effeminate one
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My Twitter feed reads like "Kids Say the Darndest Things" lately. But with more dick jokes. So more "Cosby At Home."
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I now have a subscription to Poetry and The New Yorker. If you need me, I'll be discussing NPR buffers and being insufferable.
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I'm saving up 2 months salary so I can propose to the entire cast of Glee and these long distance calls to call me gay don't help grandma.
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Folks, the Obama Care Death Panel stopped by to help me pick my death date, but looks like I have church potluck that day. Switch with me?
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My manscaping business opens today. Everyone already complaining about the ride-on mower. IT'S ABOUT EFFICIENCY PEOPLE.
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To whomever keeps cutting out the eyes of Eddie Murphy ads on the subway: I wish to join your facebook fan page. Love, Matt.
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Today I start getting signatures. Help me with my ballot initiative, Prop 9 - Eliminate Right of Sailors to Marry the Sea.
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