"Hey @GreenDay, WAKE UP! It's the end of September!" Haha, that's never going to get old. --Everyone Who Has Ever Heard That Song

If Tom Cruise still looks this young in another 10 years, I'll try Scientology. #Oscars #TweetRoast

Quaddafi had a thing for Condoleezza Rice? @TheHarryShearer imagines Condi's relationship with someone else. Work it out! http://ow.ly/6cSpA

Today is Mardi Gras & International Women's Day. So if a lady lifts her shirt, congratulate her on all the social advances women have made.

Oh no! Is Facebook trying to thwart National UnFriend Day?! @JimmyKimmel thinks so: http://bit.ly/cAmlFv

Odds that Rebecca Black gets taken in the Rapture are at 1000-1, since she already told us she knows what comes after Saturday.

Happy Birthday @RaginBotanist! Hey @GraceHelbig, is this what it was like when Tim was born? http://t.co/VJSshvBc

Dear Joe Buck: one of the phrases America never wants to hear is "Roethlisberger got it up." #superbowl

Ralph Macchio is 50 today. If your 1st instinct is to call him anything other than "That Guy From Dancing With The Stars" you're old. Sorry.

"Trent Reznor just won an Oscar" "Who?" "The guy from that 'I wanna f*** you like an animal song.'" - dialogue at every #Oscars party

ATTENTION! @DavidWain is doing a @Reddit IAmA tomorrow morning at 10am EST! Be there.

Remember last week when @gracehelbig and @MsRebeccaBlack gave Sexy Friday an official song? NEVER FORGET: http://t.co/VVJ44Egb

STOP SOPA. A special note from our Founder/CEO Rob Barnett (@DamnRob). Please read and share: http://t.co/NKGn5e5K

Today on Daily Grace http://t.co/z1Z5RQ5I Grace & @mmitchelldaviss hate YOLO. #TTIN

Watch #WainyDays Season 5 Trailer: http://t.co/7ixPbEtI Featuring @DavidWain @hayeslady @KenMarino Lizzy Caplan & Jorma Taccone!

Big News: http://t.co/agMUWGUQ So proud to announce that My Damn Channel is part of @YouTube's new original channels!

Daily Grace tells you how to survive Hurricane Irene AND high school! Because they're similar! http://t.co/osEiRdJ

I would push people down in the street http://t.co/JKYyWqKk for tickets to see @DavidWain at Wainy Days LIVE!

STOP SOPA. Read why our Founder/CEO Rob Barnett believes in today's blackout: http://t.co/RO5B1Xgh

Not to freak anyone out, but outside it's starting to look like "The Nothing" from The NeverEnding Story: http://ow.ly/6dYkJ #Irene