Listen, I'm not touching anybody's private parts until I get a proper dinner. Or drinks. Or a dollar... Come on, It's just a dollar.

Wow. So apparently screaming out "fuck me like a black guy!" to your bf during sex is a bad thing?

My mom once told me "you have to fuck a lot of toads before you find your prince" but all it got me was genital warts. :(

"I'm sorry and I'll never do it again" Translation: "I'm a loser w/ no self control who just lost some fine ass pussy" Good going, moron!

GET IN MY BELLY! -Me to a glass of wine. Or a big load of cum. Win/Win either way.

I'd rather be fucking right now than, well anything really.

Sunday Funday! Who's drinking yet? Fuck diamonds, Mimosas r a girl's best friend.

It's Friday let's get on with the drinking & fucking already.

My motto of the day: FUCK U WORLD! (excluding all my followers who make my world a better place :-) That & the pills n booze of course...

Can we just agree that I make us dinner and you give me a protein shake for dessert?

Some dudes like eating pussy & other dudes like acting like them. Fucking losers.

Can't wait to wake up tomorrow and play my favorite Saturday morning game of trying to figure out who all the strangers are in my bed.

Just a lil cleavage for everyones SundayFunday. Ah, all the productive work I get done behind my desk makes me smile ;) http://t.co/z8JFLchx

I'm prepared to offer butt sex for Vday day. All I want is dinner at Olive Garden. Or Ihop. Or McDonalds. Come on, it's only McDonalds...

Subtweeting is for pussies.

If he gives you an orgasm, do not be rude and spit it out.

It's amazing how much fun you can have when you discover you can lick your own nipples.

Fuck all this ashtard shit it's Humpday I wanna mushroom tip on my forehead damnit.

1st date last night, really liked him so I pulled out all my bridal mag's & showed him the dress,stemware & flower arngmt. He'll call right?

If she says her ride is here and there's a school crossing guard at your front door, she's probably too young.