Smashing on the gates of Minas Tirith. #trollwatch

Nandos and sex. Good day.

RT @bbcpeterhunt: If Will and Kate's child is a boy, the Palace say it'll be a prince; a girl will be a princess. < Good to have you around.

MT @whattheffacts: It only costs Apple $168 to build an iPhone 5; retail price is $699 < Congratulations, you've discovered market economics

There is something so incredibly dangerous about riding down the hill on a mobility scooter, tailgating the 160 double-decker bus.

Remember, if you have Last.fm and you're listening to Nickelback, everyone knows.

@firstcc @fiatpanda When are the new trains expected? Waiting for the older Southern lot to be replaced by the Electrostars you have leased!

Today's to-do list. http://t.co/eX8jmYVm

@elle_heart Richard, I'm coming to fondle your impressive afro.

Most people choose their photo with the best hair they can get. I chose to have mine with the worst.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=kBBK2hjcPuA … Haha! "Ohhh bollocks"

Disappointingly warm can of Irn Bru. Poor form, Lambeth newsagents.

@strawberryjames They all get shut in a box until 27th December.

Mickey Flanagan: he's a Cockney. There, I've saved you the £10 for his DVD.

@hyperbolicgoat "We're wanking in the air..."

Sign at Tesco Express: £2.58 each, or £2.00 for 2.

@toryswing Not so much controversial as ignorant and a bit stupid.

@thomas_stringer Coercion is wrong, but in this case the end is much more important than the means.

@judeinlondon I'm from Lewisham and go to uni in Bow. Everyone should experience this

Find the Oyster card before you get on the bus, not get on the bus and scramble for 5 minutes going "I'm sure it was in here"