So..why don't some girls swallow? I mean if you already have balls in your nose what's a little snot gonna matter?

I can't stand people w Christian paraphernalia on their cars that drive like maniacs- really, Jesus would have cut me off?!

I really don't like the word "pussy" cunt is so much better

Guess what...just got home from work and I have to leave again in five hours. Can I get a "fuck me"?

You guys and your damn 50 star tweets and 1000+ followers can go fuck yourselves

Is it wrong if I masturbate during iCarly?

Omg this old man on the bus just tapped my arm and motioned that I had a booger on my nose. I want to die and hug him at the same time

I like Marty's mom as a teenager...she's so horny all the time...I can relate #backtothefuture

I just realized I've been sucking dick for ten years. Can't decide if I'm depressed or proud

Yes lady I'm blasting "Beat It" but I'm not actually masturbating outside so don't look at me like that

I reject your reality and I substitute my own

There's not a more glorious realization than "I don't have to set my alarm tomorrow"

The beginning of Intervention makes me wish I was drunk

I'm magic. I make boners appear outa nowhere

Today I'm not even upset or overwhelmed by all the bullshit I'm just blindly motherfucking livid. I may break something or make a bitch cry

You see Bukowski gets it. Gets lust and love and hate and hurt and addictions and skin and not giving a shit but still really giving a shit

Um ever see something in your timeline and wonder 'how the fuck did I start following THAT fucker?'

What if when you die, all your tweets are read to you?

So do I over share? I guess if you think I do you already unfollowed me.

Can someone tell my mom to stop texting me about this game? I'm afraid I'll drunk dirty text her on accident