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Inspect Her Gadget #BadPornTitles
Babies born in whorehouses should be called brothel sprouts.
Buying a new computer online using your old computer is a lot like asking your wife on her deathbed if she's got any cute friends.
Cows would live a lot longer if they weren't made out of steak.
Love is like walking alone down a dark path, then suddenly a ninja jumps out, hugs you, and runs away. Later you realize you're bleeding.
I actually paid money to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower, then put money in the binoculars to look at stuff on the ground.
Naked is when you're not wearing clothes. Nekkid is when you're not wearing clothes and you're up to no good.
I always make a point to finish my beer because I know there are sober children in Africa.
The Amish version of a webcam is just a window.
I put my pants on just like everyone else - shove both feet down one leg and pretend I'm a mermaid.
Spiderman, Spiderman. Does whatever a spider can. / Climbs up walls, licks his balls. / Not at the same time, or else he falls.
It's sad that whole families can be torn apart by something as simple as a tiger.
When Vincent van Gogh cut off his ear and sent it to his lover, he should've stuck in a note saying "Haven't heard from you lately."
Since Twitter was created, the Earth's rotation has been speeding up gradually due to English teachers spinning in their graves.
I used to do drugs in the 80s. Now I don't really care what the temperature is.
Yo mama's so stupid she thinks the only massless quarks in non-abelian quantum chromodynamics gauge theory are SUL(Nf)xSUR(Nf)xUB(1)xUA(1)
You can't spell subtext without buttsex.
Right before my ex-wife and I separated, I went around the house and tightened all the jar lids with a grip wrench.
Observation: While their nail polish is drying, women are practically defenseless.
My favorite animal is a scapegoat.