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  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    When I die, I want my remains scattered in Disney World, Vegas, and Manhattan. Also, I don't want to be cremated.

    • 1,281
    • FAVS
    ghostkittykatCalicovilleKatieMaree_88soffycarrilllojeffisgoddPoguePhilosophyjqgillwatsdn
    • 685
    • RETWEETS
    ohmydindinNontariobushguymegelizabethDuncanHolahanclurivybrianalveyNikirhino_doc
    OfficeofSteveLeahKnauerEliHansenMusicBlondiethegoodbriangaarPeachCoffinilovepie84inturnaround
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    "Oh he died, eh?"
    "Ya."
    "Oh, geez. Heart attack?"
    "Ya."
    "Oh, geez. Poutine?"
    "Ya."
    "Oh, geez. I'm sorry."
    "Ya."
    - CSI: Canada

    • 411
    • FAVS
    libsnydsBartoGeoTheyCallMeQuaxihatethatmoredirac7uhtheinternetjobelle614sunset_pro
    • 498
    • RETWEETS
    BenRiasTheyCallMeQuaxihatethatmorecouronnedorsunset_projobelle614AmBunyardejmichaels1
    aKhalifa101
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    Racism is never funny. Especially when your large black coworker is standing behind you forcing you to type this after reading your tweets.

    • 458
    • FAVS
    libsnydsdirac7chompy_jrobscenecuntdillingerdadScoobdooblesStarksWeekS8804
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    dirac7ScoobdooblesStarksWeekBig_Dawg___NYChasetersuperdadatronTheRolowife3kidsnodogs
    Matt_Tice________
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    Hold up - my parents told me Kurt Cobain went to a farm in the country...

    • 407
    • FAVS
    mrfrost1111libsnydsKittenMcKayLordFroyBailey_CulverCatHallifaxLightCarnivalLovesLAandDogs
    • 140
    • RETWEETS
    LordFroyLovesLAandDogsAnemoneHegemonyitsmemistydawnlaceycleavageejmichaels1helltotheyayaStarksWeek
    WildeThingySpiritofMoses
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    Your mom has a bush library

    • 287
    • FAVS
    libsnydsStarksWeekjunejuly12DrDweezil13spencerBurds_1kDuncanGMrsJekyllsHyde
    • 153
    • RETWEETS
    irrationalwolfTlaxBoy05johnnyh805Bownuggetshannmartallforandrea______UGANDANCRAZYFavstar250
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    My 45-yr old coworker's skirt is so short, I think I'll be able to watch menopause happen in real time.

    • 306
    • FAVS
    daniel_shawcuriousteejlaceycleavageejmichaels12happyrighthuggybear7712BonJovi32StarGirlE13
    • 66
    • RETWEETS
    amhwSoulCaddiecorpusfrancesMyGillianejmichaels1jimmyfnjonesmega_chickBonJovi32
    Buck4it__________
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    WANNA SEE A HUGE BATMAN SPOILER? RT @azazyl: @mypolishface http://t.co/cdNtaQqg #TheDarkKnightRises

    • 74
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilDanKCharnleyBurds_1HelmdawgEallforandrea______DiscourtOrbanyadhuff001
    • 249
    • RETWEETS
    UGANDANCRAZYdhuff001calebmicahJRC_LOVES_JDBflyingpancakezj_r_qitsTOLUCoelacthulhu
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    I don't understand foreigners who pay attention to American politics. I don't even think I could name more than three of Canada's Kings.

    • 215
    • FAVS
    libsnydsdirac7curiousteejani4ka4ulaceycleavageejmichaels1StarksWeekkg_hawk
    • 88
    • RETWEETS
    dirac7ani4ka4uejmichaels1StarksWeeknocturnallymeBookisherBunnyDrDweezilJuliaWDHarrison
    DrDweezilQu4rtKn33
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    If my vagina could talk, it'd say "mmfhdtethmp." We all know how hard it is to talk with fingers in your mouth.

    • 213
    • FAVS
    libsnydsThe_MarcnesskayraiMoondog672weezermamakittenface17JuliaWDHarrisonEliHansenMusic
    • 61
    • RETWEETS
    Moondog672LindylawesomeweezermamaDiamondLou69Reilly_CyruspandonenchevgibbetKyleQuinn10
    shayf_
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    My husband brags to his friends about how great I am at giving head. It must be hard for them to feign surprise.

    • 224
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilmo_vitalunaChireBaileynocturnallymeBurds_1EliHansenMusickDuncanGwife3kidsnodogs
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    ChireBailey3myk5SyncophantMustBeGrantHalbeerzMsThundershowJamesJJacksonJrFapnado__________
    venomjunkie2chicosoquete
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    The streets have a name, Bono. They're all named. Stop driving at night with your sunglasses on. We've been over this.

    • 150
    • FAVS
    bklynmike3CherishMeejmichaels1JasonBerlincswizzgoddardAuburn83Pippersheenjoelebean
    • 92
    • RETWEETS
    ejmichaels1Auburn83PippersheenjoelebeanDrDweezilRichBeingRichGingerSlimJuliaWDHarrison
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    I made my own punch tonight. The ingredients were vodka and this bitch I hate.

    • 200
    • FAVS
    zolofighterejmichaels1stace2504EliHansenMusickDuncanGwife3kidsnodogsJasonBerlinHelmdawgE
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    ejmichaels1EliHansenMusic3myk5DeronH____________shayf_LoverOfComics94ChireBaileydonnogs
    SyncophantChireBailey
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    I adopted a black cat from the pound. My husband wants to name him Toby, but I like his original name, Kunta Kitty.

    • 160
    • FAVS
    JuliaWDHarrisonnocturnallymeEliHansenMusicJasonBerlinHelmdawgEDanKCharnley3myk5shayf_
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    3myk5Dannivoir1KingSaidAdriaancolonwolfstar20allforandrea______UGANDANCRAZYredneckwithagun
    CARBAJALmednnbrlw
  • MyPolishFace
     
    Veronica @MyPolishFace

    Not having empathy makes you sound like a cunt. RT @amandabynes: not having hair makes me feel like a cancer patient

    • 146
    • FAVS
    xtrilhoDanKCharnleyBurds_1kDuncanGReilly_CyrusJasonBerlinHelmdawgESyncophant
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    hannmartLiterallyJershanozmmzarrynziallDreamingHealthy__MrsChristinaRMelissadelorme9ciaraaparicio
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    Wal-Mart is the only place you can find someone whose weight exceeds their credit score.

    • 159
    • FAVS
    kg_hawkDrDweezilBurds_1wife3kidsnodogs_L322________Reilly_CyrusJasonBerlinHelmdawgE
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    Reilly_Cyrusfukjew3myk5UGANDANCRAZYxeyednpainless____favstar1000favsedheenan__________farleftcoast
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    "It's not rhinocerYOU, Bob. It's rhinocerUS." -- rhinoceros marital dispute

    • 106
    • FAVS
    JasonBerlinDrDweezilAdmiralCappyStevenC66BrunsWayneStuChambersElizabethDranBrewDrown
    • 75
    • RETWEETS
    DrDweezilandyzoricmichbermjilldawgJonathanKochan1StevenEYatesSabalomGantoshmj
    DrDweezil
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    I wonder how many marriages the "keep me logged in" checkbox has ruined.

    • 131
    • FAVS
    KevyMetalWorldDrDweezil13spencerBurds_1ShaeAaronBrecAmendedChireBaileykDuncanG
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    DrDweezilBrecAmendedChireBaileyPurpleSexBobombkDuncanGUGANDANCRAZYfavstar1000favsVocabuLarry
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    My husband and I tried to have sex, but in this heat separating his penis from his balls is like unwrapping a Fruit Roll-Up.

    • 135
    • FAVS
    DefUSKAmber_dudsnocturnallyme13spencerChireBaileyEliHansenMusicReilly_CyrusJasonBerlin
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    nocturnallyme3myk5shvefrobo_junkieUGANDANCRAZYredneckwithagunNikkiBby90netdog713
    DrThanatosxeyednpainless____
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    Hey, you, with the camel toe - your vagina's on crooked.

    • 134
    • FAVS
    nocturnallymeChireBaileyJasonBerlinHelmdawgEaikkia2001DanKCharnley3myk5ashgrash
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    EdJohnson2hannmartUGANDANCRAZYTheNordicHammerobi_ian_kenobiAdamUrbane________TheSnideOnekeefers323
  • MyPolishFace
      Veronica @MyPolishFace

    Wait guys I got a good one:

    Ben Affleck as Batman?? Looks like someone lost a DARE with the DEVIL !!

    Hahahaha *highfivestheworld*

    • 83
    • FAVS
    kg_hawkAmandaD_SassyJasonBerlinDrDweezilChireBaileyHelmdawgEDanKCharnley3myk5
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    AmandaD_Sassy3myk5SyncophantSzandoHrufi__24asaadhutchinsonAhmetSaelarChrisApellaniz
@MyPolishFace

@MyPolishFace

I'm the librarian you never had. I've been called a prettier Dr. Ruth. I contributed to @impersonals once. Feel free to star my @ replies.