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Look ma no friends
If you love someone let them go. If you hate someone let them go. Basically let everyone go. People are stupid.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
"Muslims" don't kill people. Assholes kill people.
My brain is 85% sad thoughts and 15% passwords.
My résumé is just "Bitch I might be" in size 72 font.
The worst is when you text someone and they text you back 2 hrs later but you already keyed their car and emailed their secrets to everyone.
Just got off the phone with my mom. She had a nice talk.
There are children in Africa who have to poop without reading tweets on their phones.
I love sleep because I hate people and I'm really into dying but I also like to wake up and eat.
Sleep is cool because it's like a commercial for death.
I'd get a lot more sleep if I didn't insist on reading the entire internet every night.
I always have a minute to watch a fat kid with a backpack running.
Take your thigh gap and get the fuck out of my car.
Don't worry, Americans, everything will be all about you again soon.
Wanna feel old? This morning was 2 years ago.
“It is what it is.” -someone who needs to stop saying words
If my mom asks, I was sleeping over at your house from 2004 to 2010.
Sometimes with people it's like "why"
HOW TO FOLD A BURRITO:
1) give me the burrito
2) sorry I ate your burrito
LET'S DO TWEETS OFF EACH OTHER'S BUTTS Instagram: mzeld Vine/real life: mae