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Just had to cram my mcdonalds bag under the seat of my car so I wouldn't feel like a total fatass going thru drive thru for 2nd time today
Using my steak knives for the first time ever. (Purchased in 2004)
Message received you overrated piece of shit
Where the hell are my pants?
Cried a lot today. Surprisingly, not when I plucked a white hair out of my eyebrow this morning.
At the laundrymat and of course my most embarassing pair of underwear gets stuck to the window of the washer for the entire 27 minute cycle.
Hiding out in the fort I made on my bed. I'm am 29 years old.
Wanna take me on a date? Buy me 3 coors light and ill be fucked up and a cheap date!
Texting the guy you've been having sex w/ "who do you think you are, john holmes? Bitches aren't waiting for you" isn't as funny to him fyi
Was thinking about going back into work from lunch, but Len came on the radio ...