Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Whenever someone does the jerk off motion, I open my mouth really wide next to their hand because sometimes I'm a little gay.
I'm glad I'm not one of those people who seeks attention. I SAID I'M GLAD I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO SEEKS ATTENTION, HELLO
JOHN, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE IF YOU'RE GONNA KEEP CLAPPING IN THE WRONG SPOT OF THE FRIENDS THEME.
Hope everyone has a great memory eel day weekend.
If I hit you in the head with a baseball bat, I look like Justin Timberlake, sweetheart.
My sister just sent me a bunch of pictures of her brand new house in Hawaii. I just got done picking my nose.
Just got a text from the ex wife. She said "Hi, haven't talked in a while, I hope you're doing well!!" what a fucking bitch.
If vodka was called poop, you guys would be all "Mmm, I love poop, I can't wait to drink poop after work today, yummy poop." hahah, sickos.
Your baby's head looks like a deformed potato, Debbie. But I'm sure he's reeeeeaaaaallllllyyyyy smart and special.
I've been putting all my scabs in jars, because maybe they'll be used as currency one day. It's called planning ahead, read a book.
Quit hoggin all the exercise equipment, mussels.
Save a seat for me in hell, guys, I accidentally touched my dogs penis while I was rubbing his belly.
Damn girl, are you a hardboiled egg, because you smell a little like poop, but that's acceptable and I'm still going to eat you.
Guys, enough with the "relationship status" jokes, my grandfather was killed by a relationship status joke in the war.
Yeah, I made a few typos once. Let's move on please.