DC gets hit by an earthquake, is in the projected path of a hurricane, and the DOW rallies 322 points. Guess we're all in agreement then?

Women's Halloween costume advice: if you don't have to wax it to wear it, don't wear it.

Am I alone in thinking that the inflatable Xmas lawn decorations look like piles of clothes or used condoms when deflated during the day?

After filling my tank with gas, I just have to say, "Oh Arab spring, what a smelly bouquet of flowers you bring..."

@yoyoha Any Manhattan starbucks...

@redpawn3 Wow, I didn't think anyone else on earth had seen the majesty of the whipped cream machine guns. Of course, this is twitter..

@jinxink @mankyduc France.. Told by my Dad's French GF that he has an adorable american accent.. seeking therapy now.

@bjewell_d Totally, raised on mac n' cheese and rice a' roni, if it couldn't be hyphenated, it didn't belong in our mouths

@saraespivey hell, I'd pay extra for that

@frankie_val Like seals clapping for that next tasty fish. Or in this case, being spoon fed 8th grade level tripe... http://t.co/GKjiBOj1

@jinxink @mankyduc Oddly American accents are wildly cool outside of America, lol.

@rowack this guy right here, for example

@kaira_skoota I've got a fat bastard who's just right for that...

@kaira_skoota ask for the extra large coffee next time, geez.

My steady diet of smarties may not be working as advertised... http://t.co/2zDOeOIM

@thewindcries69 Would you settle for a mild plundering?

@vodka_a_jones If it's any consolation, I'm waiting for the angel of death to come for my first born. Bastard keeps passing the door by

@courtchristine You know it's time for a vasectomy when you can change diapers effortlessly with either hand...

@kaira_skoots vajazzy with it?

@juliaevehays Explains the furry PB&J my ex served me the other day...