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The people that say childbirth is the most painful thing to endure have clearly never stepped on a Lego.
And to everyone watching Firefly right now, you are just a little bit better than everyone else.
I know water is good for me- I just wanna know why it doesn't taste like Dr. Pepper.
Big fan of your work. Anytime you want to put in some overtime, I'm all for it.
TSA Agent- “You look very similar to the actor who plays Castle, but not quite.”
Feeling pretty safe about this flight.
Why can't you and orange juice just get along?
My new thing: when someone says “game”, I say, “Of thrones?”
When you see someone with one of those electric cigarettes, say “Excuse me? You can’t pretend to smoke here.”
Attractive girl: This is weird, but if you'd like to spank me, call this #.
Me: That's weird AND inappropriate. Is this an 8 or a 6?
My gamertag is a vague Firefly reference. When someone gets it, I do my best "Mal", & they tell me it needs work.
I try not to jump to conclusions. Rather, I like to sashay up behind them.
Dear Super Nerdy Nerd Dudes,
Isn’t it frickin’ great being a nerd?
Today, at an inappropriate time, put your hand in the air and call, "Inappropriate high five!"
Good job! Prop 8 ruled too douche. Haters must find new platform, looking toward diabetics.
It costs nothing to say something kind. Even less to shut up altogether.