Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
My fiance says tweeting is as gay as speaking French.
Finally unfollowed that boring traffic copter bimbo he is in love with. #annoyedworldroast
These drug testers are testing the piss out of me!
I wish the cat wouldn't watch.
I need to find my blowjob soulmate.
I wish I was a black woman so I could work for the TSA.
Make your next visit to the history museum more authentic for everyone there by not showering.
He never tips me when I pump his gas and I retweet him allllll the time. #annoyedworldroast
If lots of innocent people are killed by tornadoes it is because they were bad Christians #idiotsguidetonature #patrobertson
I am still all sweaty from watching tights all day. USA USA USA!
I just ripped the biggest fart right on the cat!
"Only God can judge!!" -thousands of judgmental twats.
Just got a BJ in the bathroom of the pizza place. Hope my fiance doesn't notice that my dick tastes like pepperoni later on.
Don't be such a dick all the time. -Long lost Bible passage.
Mexican is the new black.
The country of Ireland is a fiction made up by the liquor industry to get us to drink more.
I have toes for hair and a disturbing looking lump on my neck. Someone please diagnose this lump on my neck because it really scares me.