My fiance says tweeting is as gay as speaking French.

trying to get @annoyedworld to follow me is like trying to cure my herpes.

Finally unfollowed that boring traffic copter bimbo he is in love with. #annoyedworldroast

These drug testers are testing the piss out of me!

I wish the cat wouldn't watch.

I need to find my blowjob soulmate.

I wish I was a black woman so I could work for the TSA.

Make your next visit to the history museum more authentic for everyone there by not showering.

He never tips me when I pump his gas and I retweet him allllll the time. #annoyedworldroast

If lots of innocent people are killed by tornadoes it is because they were bad Christians #idiotsguidetonature #patrobertson

I am still all sweaty from watching tights all day. USA USA USA!

@annoyedworld If you follow me back I will make my fiance take your last name instead of mine.

I just ripped the biggest fart right on the cat!

"Only God can judge!!" -thousands of judgmental twats.

Just got a BJ in the bathroom of the pizza place. Hope my fiance doesn't notice that my dick tastes like pepperoni later on.

Don't be such a dick all the time. -Long lost Bible passage.

@annoyedworld I have a sneaking suspicion that you are mocking me specifically.

Mexican is the new black.

If you follow me back, I promise tonight as I am banging my gf I will give her a huge thrust and scream "this one is for @annoyedworld"

The country of Ireland is a fiction made up by the liquor industry to get us to drink more.