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If women accidentally vote for Todd Akin, the voting machine has ways of expelling that vote.
We're having a national argument over whether or not rape babies are a gift from God. Just wanted to point that out.
Dear PR Person whose job it was this morning to write the "Ishtar now out on Blu-Ray" release: You have my sympathy. Best, Neal.
The events of the last week show that none of us can ever go to sleep, ever again. We must stay up all night, every night, tweeting news.
While we've been sitting here tweeting, Joyce Carol Oates has already written and published an entire novel about the situation.
It's a lot easier to watch televised propaganda when you agree with what's being said.
That's the first time I've ever jumped up and down in my living room because someone died.
The Romney/Ryan ticket is like a bad salesman knocking at your door. We just need to draw down the shades and wait them out. Also, vote.
"I'm sorry I was late to work today, I was watching a crazy Boston-area manhunt until like 3 a.m."
Tina Fey would have nixed that joke about Zero Dark Thirty being about how women are so difficult. Then she would have fired the writer.
Austin, TX: Come for the unaffordable housing and crummy public schools, stay for the craft beer and house-made salumi.
The older you get, the phrase "I could give two shits" starts to seem less like an insult and more like a really generous offer.
We have secretly replaced the entire staff of CNN with actual journalists.
I love all these #sxsw "survival guides," as though attending involved anything more difficult than hanging out and drinking beer.
Jennifer Hudson, Alicia Keys, and Beyonce versus douchey ad guys and their profound fear and hatred of women: Who will win the culture war?
Formerly the Greatest Living American Writer. Now just a Pretty Good Writer.
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