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Can one of you video game experts help me out? I can't get past level 5 in TurboTax
David Bowie once killed a grizzly with nothing but his bare hands and glitter #MadeUpFacts
Dear nutjobs, please stop making a big deal about Chaz Bono. I don't want to watch DWTS, but I will, just to spite you. So cut it out
Ok, #Supermoon, I've done everything that you've asked. When does Cthulhu arrive?
I saw a zombie do the robot
I'm very bitter about this whole "Awake" situation
John Wayne's World #worstwesternsever
Twitter is turning me into a narcissist that demands his every thought must be heard. Please RT
Just saw a couple of guys carrying a pane of glass down the street. A high speed car chase is inevitable. Glad I closed my fruit stand
I had a crush on Daryl Hannah as a replicant and a mermaid, but never playing a human. Is that weird?
I am a key demographic!
Inspired by The Hobbit, Prometheus will be re-released as a trilogy: the original film, an explanation, and an apology
Plans for this evening: Go to the store, eat dinner, fight crime
You're not the boss of me, electronic scoreboard. I'll clap when I feel like clapping
The Empire Leaves a Nasty Comment #cantbebotheredfilms
I considered instituting a Swear Jar at work, but the prices for these shitty jars are fucking ridiculous
If you can't spend the 60 seconds to return your shopping cart to the corral, you lose the rights to your "Good Christian" bumper sticker