Can one of you video game experts help me out? I can't get past level 5 in TurboTax

David Bowie once killed a grizzly with nothing but his bare hands and glitter #MadeUpFacts

Dear nutjobs, please stop making a big deal about Chaz Bono. I don't want to watch DWTS, but I will, just to spite you. So cut it out

Ok, #Supermoon, I've done everything that you've asked. When does Cthulhu arrive?

I saw a zombie do the robot

@timeblimp The superdense remnants of a dying star #worstcandycenters

I'm very bitter about this whole "Awake" situation

John Wayne's World #worstwesternsever

Twitter is turning me into a narcissist that demands his every thought must be heard. Please RT

Just saw a couple of guys carrying a pane of glass down the street. A high speed car chase is inevitable. Glad I closed my fruit stand

#OccupyMars

I had a crush on Daryl Hannah as a replicant and a mermaid, but never playing a human. Is that weird?

I am a key demographic!

Inspired by The Hobbit, Prometheus will be re-released as a trilogy: the original film, an explanation, and an apology

Plans for this evening: Go to the store, eat dinner, fight crime

@petersagal You see, Peter, when a mommy zombie and a daddy zombie love each other very much...

You're not the boss of me, electronic scoreboard. I'll clap when I feel like clapping

The Empire Leaves a Nasty Comment #cantbebotheredfilms

I considered instituting a Swear Jar at work, but the prices for these shitty jars are fucking ridiculous

If you can't spend the 60 seconds to return your shopping cart to the corral, you lose the rights to your "Good Christian" bumper sticker