A girl plays with your mind. A woman explores it.

You know what's really sexy is being a decent person.

Relax, we're all crazy. It's not a competition.

Love is when you keep making the same person mad.

Never let anyone know you're nice.

I lost a follower but I gained understanding.

I find it ominous when Twitter says someone is similar to me and I click and they no longer exist.

Loud music is cheaper than a psychiatrist.

The worst mental illness is love.

I have problems trusting people because I'm smart.

I just want to star tweets and avoid life. Is that so wrong?

I want to cover you in expensive things like gasoline.

Love is just a chemical in your brain telling you you're an idiot.

I've listened to a lot of good movies since I started tweeting.

The best way to get back at an ex is to become the person they wanted you to be.

Alcohol can't solve all your problems. You have to do drugs too.

I hope all your tweets are factual, because this is where I get the majority of my news.

Don't let people ruin people for you.

I'm starting to worry that the world isn't about to end.

You know you're addicted to Twitter when you forget to shoot your heroin.