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Sometimes you need to burn bridges just to make sure you never return.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
Today I learned a valuable lesson: Once you reach adulthood, pulling all-nighters are no longer a good idea.
I speak fluid awkwardness.
When playing "rock paper scissors" I just flash my boobs, because lets face it, boobs always win.
Netflix would be the best dating site. “Here are 9 other singles in your area who have also watched Breaking Bad for 12 straight hours”
Nothing exists until I've had coffee.
Never underestimate the power of Gatorade after a night of drinking.
Beer doesn't have many vitamins. That's why you have to drink a lot of it.
Beer is the foundation of my food pyramid.
Size does matter. Nobody wants a small pizza.
And for my next trick, I'll take these twelve beers and make a mess of my life.
People who wear socks with sandals like to add a degree of difficulty to getting laid.
Music enthusiast. Horror film addict. Philosopher. Humorist by nature. Sarcastic by design. I see the (wine) glass always full.
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