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Today I learned a valuable lesson: Once you reach adulthood, pulling all-nighters are no longer a good idea.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
Getting no message is also a message.
The dumbest thing I do on a regular basis is reverting back to thinking it takes someone else other than myself to make me happy.
I speak fluid awkwardness.
When playing "rock paper scissors" I just flash my boobs, because lets face it, boobs always win.
Netflix would be the best dating site. “Here are 9 other singles in your area who have also watched Breaking Bad for 12 straight hours”
Nothing exists until I've had coffee.
Never underestimate the power of Gatorade after a night of drinking.
Beer doesn't have many vitamins. That's why you have to drink a lot of it.
I have gotten out of bed 365 days a year for 25 years. That is 9,125 sit-ups.
And not ONE ab to show for it.
The best way to cut calories is to sleep all day.
Beer is the foundation of my food pyramid.
Size does matter. Nobody wants a small pizza.
Music enthusiast. Horror film addict. Philosopher. Humorist by nature. Sarcastic by design. I see the (wine) glass always full.
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