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Sometimes you need to burn bridges just to make sure you never return.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
I speak fluid awkwardness.
Never underestimate the power of Gatorade after a night of drinking.
And for my next trick, I'll take these twelve beers and make a mess of my life.
People who wear socks with sandals like to add a degree of difficulty to getting laid.
There is nothing cute about having a joint Facebook account with your significant other.
I wish I could commute to work by rollercoaster.
Pizza is an acceptable meal at all times of the day.
Genuine people are a dying breed.
Waking up next to a half eaten taco leads me to conclude that drunk me didn't stick to our diet.
Fifty Shades of Grey Goose sounds way more interesting to me.
I wish I was as thin as my patience.
The biggest joke of the day is having to put on pants.
Music enthusiast. Horror film addict. Philosopher. Humorist by nature. Sarcastic by design. I see the (wine) glass always full.
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