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I have a hard time deciding if the people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
Sometimes you need to burn bridges just to make sure you never return.
Pizza mends broken hearts.
I have a talent for only attracting people I have no interest in dating.
Grammatically correct guys are way more attractive.
Before you diagnose yourself with low self-esteem or depression, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
Since kids get an ice cream truck, I think adults should get a frozen margarita truck.
When guys use the "you look familiar" line on me, I respond by telling them I look like every other girl that wouldn't have sex with them.
If Monday was a person it would be Kristen Stewart.
I want to live in a world where if people don't know the lyrics to a song they don't try to sing along.
My car overestimates my ability to figure out mechanical problems. Ok car, you want me to "Check Engine," well it's still there. Your move.
It's all fun and games until your phone is at 10% battery life.
I've come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the remains of all my missing socks.
Men should have to wear engagement rings too, I'm not a fucking psychic.
Cell phones have ruined pushing people in the pool.
I don't fall in love, I just fake it.
It's amazing how much clothes can weigh after the scale says a number I don't like. "Shoes, 4 lbs each and this sweater must be at least 10"
Humans have a 95% suck rate.
There's no way to have the "Are we boyfriend/girlfriend now?" talk without feeling 13 years old all over again.
I'd rather listen to someone take a violent crap than hear people discuss Nascar.
Music enthusiast. Horror film addict. Philosopher. Humorist by nature. Sarcastic by design. I see the (wine) glass always full.