imagine your religion sucked so bad you had to sell it door to door.

i think ugly people have children just to prove they had sex.

to all the people who told me i'd never amount to nothing, you called it.

being sober probably sucks.

elvis, dead. michael jackson, dead. whitney hoston, dead. amy winehouse, dead. cheech & chong, still going!

moral : smoke weed.

i blame everything on the illuminati. stale bread? illuminati.

i bet even taylor swift hates her new song.

the sluttiest chicks know the most inspirational quotes .

if she is wearing a tank top, you have the green light to stare.

you're wrong if you don't question your government .

fuck instagram, bitch I want an instant gram

this beer tastes like I won't be attending work tomorrow.

i'd never judge a book by its cover but i'll judge porn by that tiny little preview picture they give you.

wouldn't doubt pot was the cure all for everything & that's why the government keeps it illegal.

somewhere in the world, someone is getting paid to direct porn. fuck my life.

counting money & smoking plants, call that shit math and science

one day you'll see me in an orange jump suit & shackles trying to explain my tweets.

I'll never understand people who think they're better than everyone just because they're attractive.

are you willing to accept mary jane as your personal savior?

not gonna lie , actually looking forward to menopause .