@je82nn Hahaaa! No. It's from his yearbook tho.

People who park between the lines never use enough spit. Ya know, @zenshooter?

Thanks so much for the trophy! xo

Why I just vomited. pic.twitter.com/l59bncOZxA

@c_w_morrison Well, make that +1. ;)

“@djthebullfrog: If you did/would ever have a threesome which would it be MMF/MFF/FFF ?”

I'd have to go with FPN.

Where P=pizza, N=nachos

Pretty sure an endorsement from me would just lose you followers.

@allisulli Love it, thanks! xo

My kids' summer vacation just started, so yes. Obviously I'm drinking.

Future fucking twitter user. pic.twitter.com/FQbhFKc8gY

Parking isn't the only fucking thing I do sloppy, fellas.

(I also suck at folding clothes & doing my hair.)

@oakhillbargrill Thank you, love! xo

Sure hope these beer goggles make this morning's kindergarten graduation more entertaining.

@kccotyler Thanks, fancypants! xo

@tombanks1 Fuck Spock. That makes me giggle. Every. Damn. Time. ;) xo

@normmynorm Thanks, punkin!!! xo

@solfrombrooklyn
Yep. You caught me. Excuse me while I go wax my dick. ;)

@jessobsess

Gee, thanks for the offer Amazon, but no. I think I'll fucking pass on sharing with Facebook my recent anal lube purchase.

Robes should also consider beer-cooling pockets & a wine glass holder.

Big thanks to the very funny @oconnellcomedy for this TotD! xo

After a quick study of twitter, I see they should also be on beer bottles and vodka labels.

Thanks for trophy @jt_iv_! xo

@6thclagniappe About this inappropriate, sugar. pic.twitter.com/K3mFe5tY9I