Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
No no, don't grab at the phone when I'm showing you photos. Just look. I'll hold it.
I like it when thin people look at me and move away. A) It's not contagious. B) I'm not going to eat you.
This happens tomorrow morning. Ten years I've been waiting for this.
Is there a Prague based dating agency called Czech mate?
I like it when people say about modern art, "What a load a rubbish, I could do that!" But you didn't do it did you.
The kids next door always look so frightened when they catch me shitting in their garden.
It is with tremendous pleasure I can announce the birth of my SON!!! Mum and baby both doing great. Wow! What a thing!
I just donkey punched myself by accident.
Simon's gone to the loo. He thinks he's pulled. Joke's on him...I just got my period. #oralonly
I just drank all the fluid at the bottom of the cup that holds my toothbrush. BIG mufucking mistake. I can see in x-rays now.
Is it called Fringe in America or do you call it Bangs?
I can't wait to play Tom Watson.
Why do nurseries call themselves stupid names like Tumblebears and Jellyjumble. It's not like the babies can read.
The male version of 50 shades of Grey would be called
Girls, when you finish peeing please put the seat up. It doesn't take a second.
Some of these young trick or treaters' faces are priceless.
It's as if they've never seen a naked 20st man covered in pigs blood before.
If you can, always give a biscuit a little tap before dunking to ensure structural integrity.