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People are making fun of me because I said "I accidentally farted" and I guess that's because they don't know how often I do it on purpose
Accidentally farted really loud in a public restroom stall and yelled THAT AIN'T RIGHT and a girl started laughing then I yelled I DO COMEDY
Joe Biden for Next Colonel Sanders 2017
Male, female, I don't care; the sex of the "buster" is of no concern to me, for I will always stand on the side of the ghosts
I once asked a porn star for blow job tips and she said "be yourself."
All of you on Snapchat think you're in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Guess what? YOU'RE NOT. This isn't TOON TOWN. Anyway, Morely Safer is dead.
Texting "yay" is the best way to congratulate someone while also conveying that you're not that happy for them.
Just ate by myself at a Mario Batali restaurant if anyone wants to kiss my bunsssssssss SEND
Please donate to my Kickstarter to make @toddbarry quit comedy & close his Twitter account! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1116073606/1870105762?token=2b4de977 … pic.twitter.com/xXE8W3O8iM
Hey guy in the Operation game, lose some weight so we can see that dick!!
Most of the kids who I went to grade school with who loved the Bulls work at cell phone kiosks in their 30s.
for anyone thinking Trump Towers Taco Bowls aren't authentic Mexican remember you can't spell it without 'Bowel Worms Crap'
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