@gruber I find it unrealistic that Favre never throws an INT in his Wrangler Jeans commercials.

@jennyjohnsonhi5 @justinbieber Leave him alone, he probably got punched in the vagina.

1) Team Edward
2) Team Jacob
3) Team Sharks Eat Vampires and Wolves

#sharkweek

@thefakeespn Hopefully the stab function will be disabled.

Do you love iPhone? BUY SAMSUNG! http://t.co/ybJMZZsD

The only way the Avril and Chad Kroeger marriage could make the world any worse is if their first dance was to Creed's "With Arms Wide Open"

@jdalrymple Actually, Android's kinda are.

@evagiselle Girl are you Comic Sans because you're all happy and giggly and I want nothing to do with you.

The solution isn’t “ban all guns”.
It isn’t “give everyone guns” either.
It’s somewhere in between.

Let’s mourn today. Let’s fix this soon.

You’d think republicans would’ve latched onto the fact that gay couples don’t have to worry about abortions by now. @glennf

I'll be honest, I'd rather be on Team Edward or Team Jacob than #teambreezy.

There is a time and a place for decaf coffee. The time is never, and the place is in the trash.

Likelihood this was rehearsed more than once: 5%.

Likelihood this better than Nicki Minaj: 100%.

#GRAMMYS

For every Giants TD, I’ll donate $10 to @barackobama. For every Eagles TD, @mike_ftw will donate $10.

Anyone wanna match that?

Try this with friends:

Go to restaurant.
Place phones in stack on table.
First one to reach in before check comes, pays the whole bill.

@mike_ftw Currently living off of unemployment. Still donated to @barackobama. First ever donation.

@parislemon AOL in 1996 vs. Windows in 2012: http://t.co/oSoBfrnx

My @hiddenhospitals vinyl has arrived!  http://instagram.com/p/Y_HFckk24A/ 

Every day is Taco Tuesday.

Mac people: if you had to only install 5 additional apps on a new computer, what 5 would they be? What can't you live without?