His weed? I roll that. His heart? I hold that. His back? I got that. His wife? I am that. My role? I play that. We're happy? They hate that.

You know you don't have to retweet every single compliment you get..

Sometimes I'm glad someone tweeted somethin so I didn't have to.

Fake guys want real girls then fuck it up when they find one.

I hate giving away too much information. Damn it.

Do you even read your timeline or do you just tweet and exit. Cause I can't stay off my timeline you motherfuckers are hilarious.

Grow your balls back and stop with the skinny jeans.

My grandma: This idiot, if your "life is over" kill yourself not everyone else.

Lookin down the barrel of a Friday night. 🔫

LOL RT@schmoodles: Sex positions are like types of wine. I don’t give a fuck what the name is as long as I feel good when it’s inside me.

I'm critical as hell on myself but not with anyone else.

If you can dish it you should be able to take it.

Wtf. Definitely not enough liquor. RT @aydrinlunchbox: hhmmmm RT @know: pic.twitter.com/UZfTgG5NpQ

You tweet #PrayForBoston & then not think about it ever again.

You really wana fuck with me? Lol I'm like twice your size.

Neverrrr let loneliness drive you back into the arms of someone who's not good for you.

I really hope I look better in person lol

Omfg do motherfuckers EVER stop lying? Don't you get tired of keeping up with your fuckin stories?

If you rifle thru my favorites I'm sure you can make a pretty valid judgement about me lol sadly.

Rumor has it he's the one I'm leavin you for.