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I liked that Hide Your Kids, Hide Your Wives guy a lot. But this Unhide Your Wives and Kids guy may be even better.
People ask me all the time, "Nic, what's the key to buying a cat?" Answer: buying low! And don't become attached. You buy cats for profit.
Sometimes I worry there is no heaven/hell. That's why it's up to us (land-owning white males) to punish the gays while they're on earth.
Florida Marlins had 347 fans show up to 1 of their games this week. That means over 10% of people in the stadium were professional athletes.
How come if one guy escapes from a prison it's cool, but if he's Mexican and he's 132 guys it's a problem?
You never hear about the 27,000 species of animals we lose a year. But a TV show gets cancelled, circle the wagons and get a petition going.
I hope there's not an app where you can tell if someone went to your Facebook page on your birthday and was too lazy to write anything.
More often than not, the only difference between where you are and where you want to be is years of bad decisions.
Everyone in this mall needs to quit yelling at me. This is my gun - why would I put it down?
If the billboards all over LA are any indication, it appears Jennifer Love Hewitt's Boobs have a new show.
Ever since I saw Looper, whenever an old guy stares at me for a beat too long I just start running.
Pic of me right before I entered Olympic Stadium for the opening ceremony!!!!!! http://t.co/OsRsgSnj
Is Lana del Rey a planned community for just seniors or can anyone live there?
I got nothing.
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