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You take “the” out of psychotherapist
#DEXTER was amazing! How is it that there are still people that don't watch it?!?! He's the serial killer we can't help but to love!
I`m painting a blue square in my backyard, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Longest day ever!
"RT : I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're gonna feel all day."
Why people use Twitter: because updating 100 times a day on Facebook is not socially acceptable.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.
Are you single single or internet single?
Even if I had a million dollars I'd still circle 20 minutes for a parking spot.
If I were a cop, I wouldn't wait at any lights either.
I will do anything to lose weight… except for diet and exercise.
I don’t want your boyfriend. Nobody wants your boyfriend. That’s why he’s with you.
Dear twitter, Thank you for making me the most overused symbol on the keyboard. Sincerely, #
Time to pretend to save money with diy.