@ninjacentric's (c mac d) most faved Tweets...
When people give me directions I tend to concentrate very hard on trying to look attentive and I forget to listen.
i just ate a biscuit. you know what? that was a total lie. i don't know why i said that. i stole somebody's facebook status. i'm sorry.
why on earth would i video chat, gmail? if i wanted to put on makeup and clothes, we could just hang out.
Sometimes, the situation just calls for eating all the cookies and pretending I didn't even make any.
I'm told hobos pour mouthwash through a loaf of bread to get the alcohol out. So...you probably have to be a hobo first to try that, right?
Twitter has me ignoring dangling prepositions in everyday speech. They just flutter there like so many verbal dingleberries in the breeze.
I am the queen of getting every molecule of the mashed potatoes out of the corners of the styrofoam container with a spork.
I don't know what lists are. Are they for sex? Money? Cake? Will I get cake from the list? Put me down for the sex cake one.
6 also asked me if God made the big bang and then said "actually, I think God IS the big bang." Whoa, kid. Gimme a minute on that one.
I really love when I'm in a crowded restaurant and I reach into my purse for a pen and pull out a tampon. Hey guys! Tampons! Periods! Lunch!
Definitely wish ladies in the rest stop bathroom wouldn't talk about color of their periods. Or I was deaf. Or didn't have to pee so badly.
We're off to pick some blueberries. Which, if it were a euphemism, would be like, the grossest euphemism ever.
8: you can say stuff to your opponent. to throw them off, you know?
me: your mom.
8: you are my mom.
me: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING.
me: your mom.
8: you are my mom.
me: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING.
I thought somebody pooped on the toilet seat and I was pretending not to notice but turns out it was a peach pit so I'm not lazy after all.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE THE X-FILES? FAMILY VIDEO FAIL I'M NEVER COMING HERE AGA--ooh look The Cat From Outer Space.
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