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To the guys who choose to believe girls do not fart - There, I proved you wrong!
I go to church when I'm:
1) Single & lonely.
3) Lusting on the cute drummer.
In other words, I'm a typical Christian.
LEAVING WORK EARLY ON A FRIDAY: A responsible alternative to walking around the office to kill time.
My bank account says I have enough money to last me the rest of the year.
It also says, unless I buy something.
Looking around, counting my blessings... 1.
It's not that I'm not good with goodbye's. It's just that I'm not good with goodbye's that don't involve arson, blackmail, or assault.
Conflicting events. A bridal shower. A wine tasting weekend. To drink my jealousy away it is!
The broken elevators might have prevented me from going to work this morning. But lazy did it for me this afternoon.
Pharmacist: Eyebrow up.
Me: "Oh no, this Father's Day card is not related to that morning-after pill I ordered from you. I swear. Please."
PRO-TIP: 'Yellow snow' is so overrated. What you shouldn't really eat is 'sticky snow'.
When you reply to an 'I miss you' with a 'Thank you,' does that make you more or less of a jerk?
Meh, perhaps just Canadian.
I haven't spoken to my mother in 4 years. She won, I learned to shut up.
This is just in.
It is official.
I am stressed out.
I have been sober a little too long.
"Drop your pants" is not really applicable to my skinny jeans. Just saying.
Was going to create a list when I realized everyone's listed under TWEEPS I'D SLEEP WITH, ONLY FOR THE SAKE OF NEW TWITTER MATERIAL.
The herpes you got in Vegas,
Will so not stay in Vegas.
Life is like poop. It feels oh so good when you let go.
Oh dear God, heal the world, make it a better place. Also, let there be a refund for my London concert tickets.
Ugh I accidentally blogged about farts in my nostalgic tumblelog! My bad.
WELL YOU GUYS GET TO READ ABOUT MY DRY SPELL & FARTS. LUCKY YOU.
Remember those times you worked hard to impress your boss and peers?
I whine a lot esp if I don't get to have my cozy lazy Sundays. I tweet to vent out my frustrations on the idiots & on the fuglies of the world.