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I judge you by how you judge other people.
It's ok if I don't have thousands of followers. I have you.
I missed Michelle Obama's speech bc I was too busy being a single mom and don't have time to watch a woman talk about her awesome husband.
"My baby's father got himself deported." - A sentence I never thought I would hear from a coworker or ever.
It's like my boss doesn't even care that I'm having a bad hair life.
Time travel is real because I just started reading my timeline 5 minutes ago and somehow it's been two hours.
the little account that could
Craisins. Because I like eating foods that have an identity crisis.
In line at the pharmacy. Suspicious of everyone.
Can someone please come brush my hair? I have beer.
It's never too early for a muscle relaxer.
Whoa whoa whoa! Settle down there, sexy meteorologist! I want the forecast, not the porncast!
I'm doing twitter the way I want to, which by some people's standards means I'm doing it wrong. Those people can suck it.
I checked myself but still wrecked myself. :(
There are white people working in this Mexican restaurant. This does not compute.
I'm sorry I can't talk to you right now I'm busy hating things.
That awkward moment when I realize my awkward moments are really just my life.
I really wanna follow you but...I just don't want to.
7 asked me if Michael Jackson was dead. I told her yes and she mumbled, "I knew it. I knew he wasn't making anymore bad music for a reason".
I'm sorry, ugly kitty, but I just can't take you seriously without a Sarah McLachlan track playing in the background.
Single mom. Devoted girlfriend. Miserable employee. Makeup junkie. Book hoarder. Friend. Asshole.