Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
During sex you burn as many calories as running 5 miles. Who the fuck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?
I just found an iPhone app that makes my face look fat. It's called "camera"
To the woman with the screaming kids in Walmart: If you're wondering how the condoms got in your cart....You're welcome
Who the Fuck is this Moderation that everyone keeps telling me to drink with?
I'm not on Twitter for Stars, I'm here because saying this shit out loud to myself would just be weird and awkward
Pop Tarts aren't "tart" at all. Don't even get me started on Sea Horses
Ladies: sometimes you just need a hug
In the vagina
With a penis
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!
It's not hard to make a name for yourself on Twitter
(it's in the settings)
If you starred and /or RT'd me and I follow you, then you better keep it up. Once isn't enough... I don't want this to be like my sex life
Failure is just another word for experience
Your level of hotness is in your tweets. Not your AVI
This morning sex would be a lot better if it wasn't just me
The Star and RT buttons are right next to each other you lazy fuckers!
I strive to be the person that my kids already think I am
What the fuck? Twitter isn't a dating site?
Look dude: if I'm checking out your woman, then take that shit as a compliment. Il buy you a beer and you can tell me how she likes to fuck
I don't get people. I mean I got socks for Xmas once, but I never get people.
I think I've peaked on Twitter. You think I've been away from MySpace long enough to make a comeback?
Pull her hair and squeeze her neck as you stare into her eyes. #MakeHerYours