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@nonsequiturific's (Non Sequiturific) most faved Tweets...
I ain't sayin' Pooh's a gold digger, but he ain't messin' with no broke Tigger.
Hypothetical lemon distribution is no basis for a philosophy.
Acetone: “If there's a problem, yo, I'm a solvent.”
This wine is terrible. But in its defense, it is bourbon.
When all you have is a hammer, every problem is someone who needs his head bashed in with a hammer.
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Husband on important business call discussing surgical robot. I do the robot every time he says it. I AM GOOD AT HELPING
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He wanted the sofa against the east wall, I wanted it at a right angle to the love seat. Everyone was Feng Shui Fighting.
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All Points Bulletin: Dyslexic zombie on the loose. Persons named Brian urged to proceed with utmost caution.
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Call me Friar Tuck one more time and I promise you, YOU WILL FEEL THE BACK OF MY SNUGGIE SLEEVE
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When you guys change avatars, I get the same look on my face as my Labrador when he's trying to bite the water from the sprinklers.
Sir, would it help you proceed through the intersection if you thought of the green light as a text message from the traffic signal?
Honk if you like flying in a V formation.
I don't want to offend anyone, but I would rather wear panties made entirely of jellyfish than to have Sarah Palin say anything EVER AGAIN.
Drinking at every “who” in the Grinch cartoon is the best play I ever gamed.
Boutros Boutros-Ghali and Yo-Yo Ma walk into an echo chamber.
Revenge is a drink best served cold. Or not. What I think I'm trying to say here is bring me a drink or one of us will be very very sorry.
I wonder if the NASA engineers who designed the urine recycling system sang "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Urea?"
In chaos theory, if you look up the term “strange attractor” there's a picture of your mom.
I asked this grumpy German dude if he could tell me the date, but he just said “Nein! Nein! Nein!” What a JERK.
Sir, your baseball cap orientation indicates a dearth of knowledge regarding its intended design, location of the sun and simple geometry.
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