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If Woman is Complaining in the Woods, and there is No One around to Hear Her, Does She Finally Shut Up?
@_moonface
Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Clitoris...
Sweet, 30 Orgasms!
#IfWomenWereAsEasyAsVideoGames
Want: One Million Dollars
Offer: Your Loved Ones; Safe and Sound
#FailedCraigslistAds
Unfollowing on Twitter should Be More like a Hostage Negotiation.
"If You Unfollow Me, I'm Unfollowing You and the Guy Next to You..."
"I'm Not a Hipster, I'm Just Broke!"
- Regular Guy My Age Buying Pabst Blue Ribbon
Now that the Ex-Fiancé and I are Broken Up, I Can't WAIT for Her to Ask Me, "Do These Jeans Make Me Look Fat?"
#Yes,YesTheyDo
"Can't Wait for My Balls to Drop So I Can Tap these Tweens!"
- Justin Bieber, Probably
I Asked Ex-Fiancé if People on Facebook Crack Jokes about Twitter at all. She Said "Facebook isn't So Much about Jokes..."
#IHateFacebook
There Needs to be a Hotline for People to Call when They are about to Create a Facebook Account.
Many Lives could Be Saved...
When Explaining to My Mom what 'Twitter' is, I Simply Called it "A Worldwide Network of One Liners"
#IllBeWaitingForMyCheck @jack
Obviously I'm Kidding!
I Love it when People Complain about Stars.
It Reminds Me that Other People use Favstar!
#NotAlone
How Can We View this Alleged "Do Not Star" List?
Because I Will Star the HELL Out of Those Kids.
#IDGAF
You Can't Have One Night Stands in a Small Town.
Unless You LIKE Every Grocery Store Trip to Be a Russian Roulette of Awkwardness...
I'd Still Need Multiple Save Slots to Get the Best Ending.
#IfWomenWereAsEasyAsVideoGames
Ex-Fiancé tried Rubbing My Newly Shaved Head.
Was Swatting like a Mosquito was Bothering Me the Proper Response?
I Want to Modify 'Sims 3' so that Instead of Hitting "WooHoo" to Have Sex, You Push a Button that Says "Hit That!"
An Enigma, Wrapped in a Riddle, Wrapped in a Vest.
