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being over 200lbs in a bikini is not cool. unless your a brown bear, a brown bear in a bikini would be cool as fuck.
he body slammed me onto the bed and I totally farted. that's considered cute, right?
but hey! if you have a small dick there's a way better chance of me letting you put it in my ass! don't get discouraged, boys!
"I watch porn.how else do ya think I learned how to suck a dick so well w so little experience."-how I trick guys into thinking im not a hoe
who the fuck makes a guy wear a condom when they give them blowjobs. that's just inhumane right there.
only five hundred more followers till my dad loves me!!
there's never a wrong side of the bed when you wake up to oral sex.
twitter - the online version of shouting into darkness and hoping someones listening
if you didn't eat a quarter pound of bacon smashed between two pieces of bread for breakfast this morning then your not on my level. go away
#fourwordsbeforesex "ingrown hair.. I swear!"
it's cute how KFC always shows white people working their commercials.
if I ever meet a guy that takes my mind off Twitter,I might just marry him. but I don't see that happening so dont expect me to go anywhere
it's an uphill battle explaining any cut or bruise when your family thinks your a raging alcholic
I need to save my puns for Twitter because here I get stars, in real life I get made fun of.
I just want a boyfriend who's as impressed with my follower count as I am...
"wanna get high and go to the pool later?" - this dude knows how to get me out of bed!!!
When life hands you lemons, take a dump in the corner.
yeah coworker,I've got my hand in my pants in the copy room and I'm not takin it out just bc your in here too. -typed w one hand
how do you tell a guy you think he's hott and wanna see his dick to decide whether or not it's big enough for you to wanna get to know him?
I smell like bad descisions [vodka,barf,sex]
college chick doing it wrong. long hair don't care. marxist [groucho]. im the brunette.