Every time someone uses "you're" instead of "your," God makes fitted sheets a little harder to fold.

No matter the riches, he could no longer unconscionably sell his body for gimmick. Frederick the Gnome left Travelocity & never looked back.

@bsc_problems RT @cynthasizer26
The lunchroom table break-down in Mean Girls is less segregated than the caf circa anytime-before-2011.

He reinvigorated yet another archaic phrase, as was his wont.

Presidential election 2012 should be decided by a cage match between Lindsay Lohan (Romney headcase) and Octomom (Obamamomma).

Elderly black customer told me I had a beautiful soul. Jesse McCartney, you know where to find me ;)

@swedathansugar @ctcynthasizer26 RT @totalfratmove: Drinking out of objects that are not cups. #TFM

Last time we just called it Jesus and moved on. RT @huffingtonpost: Mysterious light over Middle East tonight prompts #MideastUFO tweets

Nothing sexier than the confidence of carrying a bare iPhone

Just soccer mom'd a bottle of liquor in my passenger seat. Fellas?

Relationship Status update: Ping Pong Playa and I broke up #andihatethegame #netflixreject

Ran out of 2% milk at Starbucks. Thanks a lot, OBAMA.

Someone please throw Princess Mia an Oscar #LesMis

About to go ham on some hungover Taco Bell.

Profoundly simple. #LoveisLove RT@thoughtcatalog: 10 Things My Sexual Orientation Is Not http://t.co/RqD0QpZN

@cynthasizer26 RTDothTheDoth Sometimes I sing to my donut. Cos it's sticky to rock a rhyme.To rock a rhyme that's right on time.It's sticky

@raifairfax @donni In case you had any lingering questions. http://t.co/AuwTnhf6

"Gonna pound natties like slampieces." - @taylorbates10

Sometimes it's just best to put away your phone.

#unansweredquestion : who let the dogs out? ...no, really.