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@notmickhire's (NOTMICKHIRE) most faved Tweets...
notmickhire
After hours of trying to remove this lemon from my ass, I'm left wondering why life didn't just hand it to me.
@notmickhire
notmickhire
I've simultaneously achieved a new low in the culinary arts, and a new high in hiding my alcoholism. Jack Daniel's and maple syrup.
@notmickhire
notmickhire
I'd live tweet sex, if I could type faster.
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notmickhire
Trying to come up with a decent valentines poem. So far; farted, dutch oven, and broken hearted, is all I got.
@notmickhire
notmickhire
The more I think about the lack of thought I put into thinking makes me wonder what was I thinking.
@notmickhire
notmickhire
There comes a time in every man's life, when he has to say "fuck this". Tonight, I hope she agrees.
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notmickhire
Every time someone blesses me after I sneeze, one thing runs through my mind: You're not qualified.
@notmickhire
notmickhire
Let's all pool together and give Canada their NickleBack.
@notmickhire
notmickhire
Grass is dead, dirt is brown, I'm drinking Malt liquor, alone with a frown.
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notmickhire
I hope we have all learned a valuable lesson today. Mutant sea going Pandas, were a bad idea.
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notmickhire
I've finished my latest invention; a automated clothes ironing machine. I'm calling it "The Ironic", primarily because it dosen't work.
@notmickhire
notmickhire
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions." I'm hoping the road to heaven is paved with empty vodka bottles.
@notmickhire
notmickhire
If a tree fell in the woods and knocked over my beer, I'd be pissed whether I heard it or not.
@notmickhire
notmickhire
There once was a sea bass named Billy, who caught a tsunami from Chile, he swam and he swam all day to Japan, and now he is Sushi-suzuki.
@notmickhire
notmickhire
The thin line between love and hate vibrates in the frequency of our sense of humor.
@notmickhire
notmickhire
Perspective is best served tepid, with a snifter of bourbon.
@notmickhire
notmickhire
If you can't say anything nice. Go with ambiguous aversion.
@notmickhire
notmickhire
How many beers does it take for this ambien to kiiiccckkk iiinnn?
@notmickhire
notmickhire
If it's any consolation, I had to roll my windows up on the way home from work.
@notmickhire
notmickhire
I just became the Mayor of Typos on Foresquare.
@notmickhire
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