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Listen, Ben Affleck's probably not thrilled with all of your choices either.
On my way to the playground to remind all the girls playing "princess" that in a constitutional monarchy, parliament has the real power.
Just 55 shopping days left until the Mayan apocalypse.
The kind of mood where an abandoned shoe in the road compromises the core of your emotional stability.
Hey. Did you guys know you can mix vodka and champagne and pomegranate juice and then lose consciousness?
"GET IN MY FACE" is a song I just wrote about waffles.
My super power is convincing myself everyone's mad at me and then getting unreasonably indignant. Because I'm a goddamn delight.
Let's all have a moment of silence for people who can't have a moment of silence because they have kids.
My dog is checking under the table for stray cheese and we've never had more in common than we do right now.
Paula Deen announced she has Type 2 diabetes because OF COURSE SHE DOES. In other breaking news: it's Tuesday
Pretty sure it's cramps, but you guys, what if my uterus is haunted :(
Happy New Year from the future, west coast! Here's how it's going so far: There are fireworks and your dog is terrified.
I know journalism's dead because I've never heard someone ask Renee Zellwegger if she remembers the lyrics to Sugar High from Empire Records
There will be people who are good to you and people who are not and your job is to survive both.
The thing about doing work is that it's not eating sandwiches and so I hate it.
brb. in the bell jar.
And George Clooney loved Pretty Woman so much that he decided to relive the movie plot every year with a new cocktail waitress. The End.
i write some things. i draw other things. i tweet the rest.