Fuck it, we'll do it live.

Sat on my balcony and played the few chords and notes that i know on the guitar. #Destress

When you feel like nothing is going right, go to the gym and play "find the douche". You are bound to win. #Victory

21 pages, front and back, of a law lecture...in med school....longest lecture ever

@theewren can you just tweet all day so i don't have to do anything but read your tweets. Sincerely yours.

Still waiting to hear back on my Road Rules application. .@mtv

Hoping someone told The Killers that we are indeed human, not dancers.

Sorry SNL but that dance routine was what hell is probably like.

Hey everyone, theres a memorial poker tournament and memorial golf tournament on Fri. and Sat. in Timber Lake this wknd if youre interested

My aunt Edna RT @joshweiner: internet poll: Whose the moosiest moose you know?

Her husband RT "@prodigalsam: I wonder what Paula Deen is putting butter on right now."

@sarahthyre just favorited me, and I shit myself, but still Best Day Ever?

RT "@sarahthyre: RT @doraemonrules: RT @everytweet_ever: RT @sarahthyre: vagina"

@jeweldeleen @klmccorkle so are 23 year olds, my nana takes her wig off when shes drunk.

For lent, I'm going to start shouting when I talk. Christ.

People who wear sweater vests are shit holes.

Music just shit on itself, miley cyrus did a cover of Bob Dylan.

I bet 5-hour energy is simply cat piss and berry extract. #hypothesis

@lindz024 lol I said chee real loud in the classroom

@brianna_pearman my bet is you'll calve out on february 23rd