Really, Chandler didn't help at all during the series. And the C had no backup. Martin isn't a C. Camby was done before he came...#Knicks

The entire New Jersey Police Department replaced their renowned German Shepherds with Coon Hounds because they don’t see much German crime.

"What's the craziest thing you ever fucked yourself with??"

Every black guy I know is oh so close to starting their own business

When people say "I hope you are well", it really almost sounds like "I hope you are in a well".

D.A.R.E. to take all of the drugs.

Beautiful skin may begin with Noxema, but it ends with my handprint across your face, bitch.

Signed my kid up for karate class a month ago and he hasn't waxed my car once.

I'll take a bitch on a date that is really just an extended tour of all my ex-girlfriends' neighborhoods.

My signature sex move is sweating on you profusely until you get disgusted and get on top

Want neighbors to notice you? Beat the living shit out of your wife.

so when catherine martin gets saved at the end of "the silence of the lambs" i bet her skin is AMAZING from all that lotion

Someone out there thinks you're special, but it isn't me so go fuck yourself.

Many #Knicks players are coming down with the flu. Their immune systems aren’t used to foreign lands like the 2nd round of the playoffs.

Fuck. These people and their timelines that are nothing but @ replies. I'd kill myself.

BREAKING: Gov. Chris Christie's chair

A fun thing to do to a friend that was drinking and driving is to put a sneaker on the windshield wiper the next morning.

I'll take my "creepy" over your "stupid" any day.

According to Wayne LaPierre if more people had guns on 9/11 they could have shot the planes out of the sky

Here you go @bbcnewsbeat #tattoo pic.twitter.com/vJS4y7q0SS