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Thinking of moving to Arizona. Sure, it's racist there... but it's a dry racism.
My son came home from daycare with glitter on his face... Not sure what he does all day, but apparently I need to send him with singles.
After 3 hours of attempting to install a baby gate at the top of our stairs, I decided to go with a slide and some pillows at the bottom!!!
Twitter blocked at work. Sending tweets through a secret widget they don’t know about! Must be what the newspapers feel like in North Korea!
So, I’m in this Fight Club and it’s… DAMMIT… I never do anything right!!!
The Amish are going green… I just saw a buggy being pulled by a miniature pony! I believe that’s the Smart Car™ of the Amish community.
Just as I predicted... Gillette dropped Tiger Woods once his mistresses outnumbered the blades on their latest razors.
Wait a minute! So, Beatles Rockband DOESN'T come with an annoying Asian woman to create tension between you and your friends?
Accidentally punch yourself in the face while opening a sleeve of cookies?
Welcome to Fight Club.
Putting my wife’s terrycloth bathrobe on backwards is quite cozy... I love you Ghetto Snuggie!
Has anyone considered that Mario and Luigi have more experience with underwater pipes than BP?
It’s a good thing the Fonz wasn’t Canadian… because that would have been redundant! Eh?
Extra virgin Olive Oil... Really? So, you're telling me Popeye never tapped that?!
Anyone ever notice that A-Rod spelled backwards is Dora? I wonder what he has in HIS backpack?
...Steriods. That's right! YAY!
This apple tastes terrible. It must be the way I'm holding it.
Ok, people with the "usually" jokes... I think we're beating a dead Sarah Jessica Parker here!
This rum punch brings all the pirates to the Yarr!
Why do so many overweight men and women pull their pants up to their chests? Are front-butts considered status symbols at Walmart?
I now have 300 followers… the next person who walks up to my cubicle will get a size 12 to the chest and a spirited, “THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAA!”
Camel Tow? I didn’t know they could break down.
Geeky Graphic Designer, Dorky Dad, Happy Husband!