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Thinking of moving to Arizona. Sure, it's racist there... but it's a dry racism.
My son came home from daycare with glitter on his face... Not sure what he does all day, but apparently I need to send him with singles.
After 3 hours of attempting to install a baby gate at the top of our stairs, I decided to go with a slide and some pillows at the bottom!!!
Twitter blocked at work. Sending tweets through a secret widget they don’t know about! Must be what the newspapers feel like in North Korea!
So, I’m in this Fight Club and it’s… DAMMIT… I never do anything right!!!
The Amish are going green… I just saw a buggy being pulled by a miniature pony! I believe that’s the Smart Car™ of the Amish community.
Just as I predicted... Gillette dropped Tiger Woods once his mistresses outnumbered the blades on their latest razors.
Wait a minute! So, Beatles Rockband DOESN'T come with an annoying Asian woman to create tension between you and your friends?
Accidentally punch yourself in the face while opening a sleeve of cookies?
Welcome to Fight Club.
Putting my wife’s terrycloth bathrobe on backwards is quite cozy... I love you Ghetto Snuggie!
Has anyone considered that Mario and Luigi have more experience with underwater pipes than BP?
It’s a good thing the Fonz wasn’t Canadian… because that would have been redundant! Eh?
Extra virgin Olive Oil... Really? So, you're telling me Popeye never tapped that?!
Anyone ever notice that A-Rod spelled backwards is Dora? I wonder what he has in HIS backpack?
...Steriods. That's right! YAY!
Ok, people with the "usually" jokes... I think we're beating a dead Sarah Jessica Parker here!
Why do so many overweight men and women pull their pants up to their chests? Are front-butts considered status symbols at Walmart?
I now have 300 followers… the next person who walks up to my cubicle will get a size 12 to the chest and a spirited, “THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAA!”
Geeky Graphic Designer, Dorky Dad, Happy Husband!
