@offdutygnome's (Steve Blackard) recently faved Tweets...
Wow, Jelly Belly got it right with this "Jerseylicious" flavored jelly bean... it actually tastes like tanning oil, hair gel and chlamydia!
"On an all new Monster Garage, Jesse and the crew build a golf cart with a queen size bed and a stripper pole for a pro golfer comeback!"
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Bieeeeeeeeberrrrrrr!!! Sorry, just hopping on the "Bieber" bandwagon, the twitter equivalent of yelling "Freebird" at a concert.
4
Looks like Sandra will be making Jesse sleep out in the Monster Garage for a while... as tattoosually.
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Wait a minute! If the real Blarney Stone is in Ireland, then what the hell did I just kiss?! And what is that godawful smell... Look BEER!
4
I called a plumber to look at a leaky pipe… What an A-hole! He stepped on my turtle, ate my flowers and stole all my money. Mostly coins.
7
Working with a pain in the ass client in another state. Related: Looking for cheap flights, so I can fly there and punch him in the throat!
3
What the hell is followmonday?! The Only way I'm following Monday is if it's stopping by Friday's place... Because I love THAT dude!
8
Just downloaded the Snoop Dogg voice for my TomTom to get some street cred. Is it working? Anyone...?? >phsshh< Forget ya'll, I'm bouncin!
7
Overheard a coworker say, he had a new lease on life. Bad idea... If he goes over on mileage, they are going to charge him out the nose!
6
Twitter is blocked at work again... If anyone needs me I'll be rocking under my desk in the fetal position.
8
When I heard a vacuum start up in the office, I instinctively yelled, "C'mon Mom, I'm trying to watch TV in here!" Old habits never die.
5
The only thing that could make this Monday worse, is if I had "Achy Breaky Heart" stuck in my head... DAMMIT!!!
13
Went to my 5 yr old nephew's Mario Bros. themed birthday party... It's ok, I wasn't the only adult stealing party favors and decorations.
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