@qu4rtkn33 I'm pretty sure you just sealed the fact that I'm gay.

Ruby is amazing because he loves all the music I love. That, or one-year-olds will dance to anything...

@untresor I was trying to do that to the rhythm of "Shots". Difficult, but worth it.

"Okay, Michael...good night...you need to work on your personal space..." -my ten year old sister. Hahaha.

@foxtrotzed @diffidentastic Hell, welcome to being a thin, cool, gay guy. No one likes pants!

@louispeitzman I appreciate the quickness on that.

@ixseanxi It's on! I'll fill mine with milk!

@jarrettcampbell I always thought Bruce Jenner was the mom. She looks like a Bruce.

I was a terrible politician. *george w. bush voice*
Did I do it right?!
I'm so urban.

Dear #JCP, we both know the plans for Christmas. Urban gay couples with no kids. Do it. #OneMillionMoms will still shop there.

Can't we just agree that everyone is a little slutty?

@qu4rtkn33 POLO!

"Am I on speaker? Are you that important?" -My boss, because she needed me to call her while I was getting ready. #fb

@mekijan does NOT like when you blow in his face in the grocery store. Noted. #valentinesday

@umitsonlybriana Really well. We'll be chasing down criminals in no time. Once she stops getting distracted by the cold. And snow. And cars.

Future police dog. Be scared, future criminals. Almost 8 pounds of fury here. http://t.co/MdlbdIYN

I spend a lot of time being internally smug.

@shaelynnmarie @kishba Drag queen.

A somewhat typical conversation between @mekijan and I. http://t.co/DfRkdwnO

"They don't have Harry Potter? What the hell? Why have even have it?" - My dad regarding Netflix.