@ohmyseven's (Brooke) most faved Tweets...
I always try to pass stuff off as magic, but it's usually only science.
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3hossbiisillysgoodTwitchingDoubtBronwyn_MayBTerriSueWhoFinger_BuddyBlue_CrabGreeblemonkeyJaceFuseamynicole21JerryThomask2bfJMoodAuntMarvel
Every time I come home, I take off my jeans and put on sweats. I am the Mr. Rogers of pants.
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biisrahgrerceGreeblemonkeyfactualfictiontwocitygirlamynicole21JerryThomasAuntMarvelHellajantzie
My sister, watching my iPhone do it's auto-rotate thing: "How... How does it know?"
11
ctmagnusTerriSueWhosrahgrercecrabapplezFinger_BuddyBlue_CrabGreeblemonkeyJaceFuseamynicole21sarah_y
Oh, ice cream. So cold, so creamy. So not safe there in the freezer.
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TerriSueWhoLovelyAnomalyRachelskirtsFinger_BuddyGreeblemonkeyfactualfictionamynicole21AuntMarvel
I'm pretty sure that there's nothing grosser that Subway could have picked to call their $5 footlong than a "Yum Rocket."
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srahthe_renjoeschmidtRachelskirtsJaceFusetwocitygirlkidonthesquareamynicole21
Oh mac & cheese, so glowing yelly; you feel so nice, inside my belly.
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ohmysevenLovelyAnomalynicktabickGreeblemonkeyJaceFuseamynicole21k2bf
Scene: The flash of lightning; the peal of thunder. The soft *snick* of the clippers as I trim my toenails on my porch.
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MODATJaceFusethe_renLovelyAnomalyTerriSueWhoFinger_Buddyamynicole21
#youknowurahoeif you look forward to busting up sod. (Way to spell, Twitterverse. Way to spell.)
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jamietiesrahcrabapplezbiiJerryThomasblindsquirrel42
Oh, sneezing. I thought I told you we should just be friends years ago.
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JaceFusejorshuwahGilliganRachelskirtsSkittle_BrainsFinger_Buddy
My stomach keeps making noises which sound like I am sending and receiving text messages.
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TerriSueWhoLorisaysGreeblemonkeyblindsquirrel42sarah_y
I can tell it's fall now because I'm in my house and I can't feel my fingers.
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TerriSueWhojohnson_babythe_renTrick_or_tweetFinger_Buddy
It is pretty much impossible to feel professional in a meeting when you know you have a box of Swiss Rolls in your purse.
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TwitchingDoubtRachelskirtsnicktabickGreeblemonkeyAuntMarvel
The flies in my house are, I believe, the spawn of a helicopter and a very large horse.
5
MODATLovelyAnomalyGilliganFinger_BuddyGreeblemonkey
I have purchased 6 pounds of cheese in the last two days. I may never poop again.
5
blindsquirrel42JaceFuseRachelskirtsGreeblemonkeyBronwyn_MayB
I think I have tennis elbow. Except I don't play tennis... Maybe just "elbow"? "What's wrong with you?" "I have elbow."
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thefountLovelyAnomalyGreeblemonkeyJerryThomas
Pumpkin pie for dinner = Ginger hiccups + Cinnamon burps.
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johnson_babysrahFinger_BuddyGreeblemonkey
I don't get counting back change. You could tell me almost anything and I would believe it. "Eight is ten and ten is twenty." Um, okay then.
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TerriSueWhosarah_yGreeblemonkeyfactualfiction
You know. I'd rather smell boy poop than girl poop. Boy poop: just poop. Girl poop: poop + perfume + shame. Makes for an awkward experience.
4
blindsquirrel42the_renjaywarriettoGreeblemonkey
Me: Sitting on couch, watching old episodes of The Office and peeling my sunburn. Because I am one classy broad.
4
rongillmoresaidmeLovelyAnomalyFinger_Buddy
Gmail: "Use Google Desktop to access your Gmail messages even when you're offline." Me: "Being offline? Is that a thing?"
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gretchasketchctmagnusokelayGreeblemonkey
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